She was definatly bonkers...
Back in 1992 I was in the countryside near San Fierro in the State of San Andreas where I met this woman called Catalina. She just left some black guy named Carl who aparrently was hiding out from Los Santos cause his gang got ambushed or some shit, But that's another story. Anyway where was I oh yeah, She was a fucking bitch.

It all started when she made me race against carl for pink slips (whilst doing it with her at the same time), But I fucking lost to him and ended up giving him my run down garage in San Fierro because we needed the car to go to Liberty City. I then go with her to Liberty City and rob some places until one day back in 2001 we were robbing a bank and then, and only then, she decides to shoot me and leave me for dead (can you believe it). I get arrested and sentenced to go to prison but as luck would have it, The convoy i was in gets ambushed by the Columbian Cartel as we were going over the Callahan Bridge. After they take this oriental guy, Me and this other black guy called 8-Ball knock out the guards and escape, and get this, we then noticed that the Cartel only planted a fucking bomb on the bridge and blow it up.

So anyway, after the bridge blew up we escaped in a car that was left near by (I had to drive because 8-Ball's hands were messed up) and we hide out in the Red Light Distrct of Portland. So i'm stuck on Portland and I managed to get some work from some people and the local mafia guys running a few "errands" for them. Then a few days later whilst doing a favor for Salvatore Leone (the head of the Leone family) I noticed that Catalina was working for the Cartel who were making some drug on a ship at Portland Docks (fucking bitch), so me and 8-Ball (who apparanly is a bomb expert) go and blow up the ship. Afterwards Salvatore decides to get rid of me by planting a bomb in a car that he sent me to pick up (he apparantly was betrayed back in '92 by Carl, But that's another story), But luckily his wife Maria (who was fit and had the hots for me) sends me a message on my pager (because I don't talk much see) and warns me about it so I escape to Staunton Island with her and we hide out with this woman called Asuka (who apparantly runs the Yakuza on the island with her brother Kenji), She then sends me back to Portland to kill Salvatore, So I did. I then go back to Staunton and do a few jobs for some people.

Anyway after a while I find out that Catalina is on the island hiding out in some construction site, I go pay her a "visit" and I was about to shoot her when she decides to shoot this other guy she was with named Miguel and escape. After Asuka and Maria (who by the way were getting along a little too well) tortures Miguel thinking that the Cartel killed Kenji (it was really me as a favor for some guy named Donald Love, But thats's another story), Catalina comes back and kills Asuka and Miguel and kidnaps Maria expecting me to pay a ransom for her. So I go to this mansion in Cedar Grove on Shoreside Vale and I give Catalina the money only for the Cartel to ambush me and try to kill me, So I kill all the Cartel members and I noticed that Catalina escapes in a helicopter, with Maria still held hostage, So I follow it and it ends up at Cochrane Dam. So I go there and I kill all the Cartel members there, Then Catalina tries to escape again but I was having none of it, So I take out my rocket launcher and I blow up the helicopter as she was escaping (fuck yeah!). I then rescue Maria, but she kept bitching about her hair and her nails so I fucking shot her with my shotgun. Christ, I sure can pick them.

*insert crude penis reference here*
(Claude Speed was a Roman called Claudius Speedicus, Mon 20 Nov 2006, 11:54, Reply)