Channel Islands
A long time a go I was on a business jolly Jersey - you know the sort of thing, any excuse for a serious piss up disguised as a national sales conference. After a dull day of presentations, the time came to find out what St Helier offered for night life.

We ended up in the town's only nightclub (the name of which excapes me) and some serious standing around looking at the dancefloor ensued. I then spotted the girl of my dreams. She was a touch older than me (she was late 30s, I was late 20s) and we started to chat. It was mid summer and she was wearing a very small summer dress and it soon became obvious that she had forgotted to put her undercrackers on. I took this and the fact that she kept rubbing my crotch as a bit of an invitation.

I should have seen the signs though when one of her friends introduced herself as the beautiful one's care worker and that I should watch myself. Obviously in my addled and sex starved state I chose to ignore this advice and we jumped into a taxi to her gaff for some adult fun.

All went well - she showed me her goods and we had the most amazing sex I have ever encountered (either before or since). Time flew and I realised it was time to make a move back to my hotel. It was 4am and I had a flight to catch at 9 the next morning.

I eventually shook her off - physically and made my excuses. We swapped numbers and I went to the door. It was locked. I asked her to unlock it and she advised me that she had lost her keys....how the hell we got into the flat when we arrived using a key did not seem to figure in her scheme. She begged me to stay by once again removing her clothes and trying to shag me at the front door.

I began to feel uncomfortable at this point especially when she started to tell me that the last time someone left her she started to cut herself and did I really want that on my concience?

Eventually I managed to placate her and climbed out of the window and made my escape only for her to appear in her freshly unlocked door to tell me to phone her when I got back to the UK with a huge smile on her face!

I got back to the hotel at 5am and reflected on the things I had gained from this experience:

1 Never shag a care in the community case
2 Never drink so much that you don't notice that the flat you are in could probably feature on How Clean is Your House
3 Everyone on the Channel Islands is inbred and insane......
(penrose your dog's got tits, Tue 21 Nov 2006, 10:28, Reply)