Dippy bint
She (let's call her Jake, for t'was my pet name for her) helped pop my cherry and subsequently we stayed together for years. Only evidence of mentalism through all those years surfaced just weeks before my finals at Uni when she decided she'd had enough and wanted us to settle down.
"buh..buhh...I'm nearly finished 5 years of tertiary education sweetness then I'll be able to find a job and we can do all those things we've talked about"
"Nope...you're binned"

Fast forward a few weeks and I'm in a vodka-raddled oblivion with fook-all chance of doing my finals, when one of my flatmates comes home looking like his entire family has been eviscerated before his eyes. Turns out this stringy, good for nothing, slimy, weaselly f##ker had been giving my ex a shoulder to cry on during her time of distress and had been a little more supportive than intended (or not !) This news worked like a dunk in the North Sea, I sobered up, slithered through my finals scraping a degree then went home to the parentals and normal life.
Time goes by and I get a call - would I like to pop down to her parents ? (We stayed in the same town) I think about it and say OK...then experience the most surreal afternoon of my then young life. Her parents proud as you like, with their yowling grandchild. Completely oblivious to the pain and distress their dippy bitch of a daughter's subjected me to and the bint in question (obviously in post-maternal hormonal turmoil) clawing at me, trying to get me upstairs for a "quickie for old times sake"...FFS !

Got my sh#t together after that, and hooked up with a gorgeous girl I'd met during my lost couple of months before finals...she's now the missus :0)

[Postscript: Heard through the small town grapevine. Jake had settled down with an ex-mate of mine...Overweight, skin complaints, farted like a trooper and studied to be an accountant - so a real catch ! Jeez - hope he doesn't read B3ta...you could NOT mistake this story !!]
(afaguslae look out ! wide load...., Tue 21 Nov 2006, 14:11, Reply)