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This is a question Breakin' The Law

'I'd taken some mushrooms in a pub,' writes Allen Smithee, 'and things had got a bit odd. People turning into goblins, barstools into toadstools etc. I wandered off from my friends and found myself in a carpark. I noticed a huge liquorice allsort driving towards me and Bertie Basset got out. I kinda realised that Bertie was a policeman and my brain went into paranoid fast forward. I decided that I must be being arrested and said, "I'll just get in the back of your car, Officer" Bertie looked at me with disgust, "Not bleeding likely sunshine. Just piss off home ok?"'

(, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 20:34)
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It was my mate Robert's stag night, and we were in Brighton.
We'd done the usual stag night stuff (got pissed in a crappy nightclub and snogged all the girls who were on hen's nights) and now it was time for the humiliation to start. The obvious choice was to take Robert onto the main street along the waterfront, strip him naked, and tie him to a lamp post. Then we all disappeared from view, talking about going back to the hotel. He thought we'd left him all alone for the rest of the night.

After a while he spotted a police van driving along the other side of the road. He called out to them, and they shouted that they'd go further up the road to turn around (there was a central barrier along the road), and then come and help him. Luckily for us, the police van turned around right where we were hiding. We waved it down, and explained to the coppers that Robert wasn't really alone, we were keeping an eye on him from a distance. The coppers were good sports and agreed to play along. They drove back to Robert, and explained to him that as no offence had been committed they were unable to intervene. Then they drove off. Robert was now convinced he'd be spending the rest of the night tied up nude.

Then something else happened. Two burly blokes dressed in leathers with big moustaches and peaked caps arrived and started to show some serious interest in Robert's bare backside (this was Brighton, after all). Robert was scared witless at the thought of being buggered silly for hours on end. After things had started to get interesting (but not TOO interesting) we decided it was finally time to intervene and save Robert from a sticky end (pun intended). The poor guy was an emotional wreck, but he forgave us the next day.
(, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 0:37, Reply)

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