Breakin' The Law'I'd taken some mushrooms in a pub,' writes Allen Smithee, 'and things had got a bit odd. People turning into goblins, barstools into toadstools etc. I wandered off from my friends and found myself in a carpark. I noticed a huge liquorice allsort driving towards me and Bertie Basset got out. I kinda realised that Bertie was a policeman and my brain went into paranoid fast forward. I decided that I must be being arrested and said, "I'll just get in the back of your car, Officer" Bertie looked at me with disgust, "Not bleeding likely sunshine. Just piss off home ok?"'
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rob, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 20:34)
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Shit 'em I say!Got nicked D & D, then whacked in a 'Peter' at Bermondsey nick (London). Woke up at about 4 am in total darkness, dying for a dump (a poxy power cut).
Soon found that there was no bog paper, so made my way back to the two-tier 'prison bunk', picked up the pillow from the top bunk (which had a nice paper cover on it) and wiped me arse on that. Finally replacing the pillow, skid side down, on the top bunk.
Following morning as soon as I was 'released into the Community', I ran like fuck before they had a chance to get in the 'Peter' and make the beds!!!
Even now I can 'see' the arsole copper picking up the pillow and the sight that greeted him; my skid mark! YUMMY!!!!
(, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 10:54, Reply)
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