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This is a question Breakin' The Law

'I'd taken some mushrooms in a pub,' writes Allen Smithee, 'and things had got a bit odd. People turning into goblins, barstools into toadstools etc. I wandered off from my friends and found myself in a carpark. I noticed a huge liquorice allsort driving towards me and Bertie Basset got out. I kinda realised that Bertie was a policeman and my brain went into paranoid fast forward. I decided that I must be being arrested and said, "I'll just get in the back of your car, Officer" Bertie looked at me with disgust, "Not bleeding likely sunshine. Just piss off home ok?"'

(, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 20:34)
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As luck would have it....
... One evening, many moons ago, I was wending my merry way home from a mate's house, with a sweatshirt pocket full of a selection of pre-cut eighths of fine weed and hash: I had some decent grass, some skunk, a bit of ordinary and a nice lump of Manali...

Imagine, therefore, my horror at discovering that the white diesel-engined Ford Escort van that had beeen accompanying my short walk home for the last 5 minutes was, in fact, a police dog van, containing one bored plod and one over excited Alsatian.

Plod has decided that I look a bit likely (which I probably did), and has bid me stop and explain myself, while he goes through the contents of my pockets. Naturally, I'm bricking it, and the dog, god bless him, can tell, and is going absolutely beserk in the back of the van.

Meanwhile, my explanation that I'm a student, on my way home appears to have settled well with plod, and just as he's about to ask me to turn out my big front pocket (the one containing Howad Marks' pension), he asks me what I'm studying. "Photography", says I.

There is a god.

It just so happens that plod is a keen amateur photographer, and would much rather have a good old chin-wag about film speeds and filters than drag a stoned student thru the wheels of law and order.

He forgets to get me to empty the pocket, and, following a discussion on the relative merits of fixed vs zoom lenses, bids me a safe journey home and sends me on my way. The Alsatian was still doing it's nut in the back of the van as he drove off...

Sorry 'bout the length, but that's the closest I've ever come to being busted, and it was quite close enough, thank you very much!
(, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 12:56, Reply)

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