Breakin' The Law'I'd taken some mushrooms in a pub,' writes Allen Smithee, 'and things had got a bit odd. People turning into goblins, barstools into toadstools etc. I wandered off from my friends and found myself in a carpark. I noticed a huge liquorice allsort driving towards me and Bertie Basset got out. I kinda realised that Bertie was a policeman and my brain went into paranoid fast forward. I decided that I must be being arrested and said, "I'll just get in the back of your car, Officer" Bertie looked at me with disgust, "Not bleeding likely sunshine. Just piss off home ok?"'
(
rob, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 20:34)
« Go Back
In the name of art...When I was about 18 my friend decided he would make a super-8 film. His high-art concept involved lots of shots of people doing things on and about motorways, and I was going to be the "star" of the film.
After a few dodgy incidents running across motorways with cars bearing down on me etc with him filming from the safe distance, it's time for the crowning shot, which is to be a shot of me standing on the strip between the lanes of the motorway going in either direction. No problem, I go and take my position and wait for him to get the shot. After standing there for a while, I realise that it's going to be hard to tell when he's actually taken the shot as I've got my back to where he will be driving. Never mind, I thought, I'll just stay here for what seems like enough time and bugger off.
All this time, people had been honking their horns at me, I couldn't quite figure out why but I basically just ignored it. Just as I was about to take off, I hear a car pull up behind me and a voice say "Get in the car." A police car has pulled up to a stop *in the fastest lane* and a cop has jumped out and is beckoning to me to jump in the back seat. We take off before the high-speed traffic crashes into the back of us and the cop begins to question me.
Turns out that people driving past thought I was suicidal or a mental patient or something, they were honking their horns (as if I was going to think "oh, someone's honked their horn at me, I guess I won't top myself after all") and then getting on their mobiles and reporting me to the police. So, the friendly officer asks me a few questions ("been in a mental instution lately? can I just have a look at your wrists sir?"). I explain why I was there and he lets me off with a warning, citing "Queen's byways act 1971" or something, and tells me not to bloody well do it again.
Never mind, we got the footage - except nobody thought than when your driving past somebody on a motorway you're lucky if you can get about 1 frame of the film with them actually in it. Bollocks.
(, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 0:06, Reply)
« Go Back