Breakin' The Law
'I'd taken some mushrooms in a pub,' writes Allen Smithee, 'and things had got a bit odd. People turning into goblins, barstools into toadstools etc. I wandered off from my friends and found myself in a carpark. I noticed a huge liquorice allsort driving towards me and Bertie Basset got out. I kinda realised that Bertie was a policeman and my brain went into paranoid fast forward. I decided that I must be being arrested and said, "I'll just get in the back of your car, Officer" Bertie looked at me with disgust, "Not bleeding likely sunshine. Just piss off home ok?"'
( , Wed 7 Jan 2004, 20:34)
'I'd taken some mushrooms in a pub,' writes Allen Smithee, 'and things had got a bit odd. People turning into goblins, barstools into toadstools etc. I wandered off from my friends and found myself in a carpark. I noticed a huge liquorice allsort driving towards me and Bertie Basset got out. I kinda realised that Bertie was a policeman and my brain went into paranoid fast forward. I decided that I must be being arrested and said, "I'll just get in the back of your car, Officer" Bertie looked at me with disgust, "Not bleeding likely sunshine. Just piss off home ok?"'
( , Wed 7 Jan 2004, 20:34)
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Sleeping in my car
Oh yes, one time I went to a very long and loud party near the local uni, where I left early cause I had to work the next day (yeah right). I staggered out the door and did manage to make it to my car without falling down.
I knew there was not a chance in hell though that I could drive all the way home like that so decided to sit in the car for an hour or so til I could see straight. It was a warm night so I started the engine, and opened the roof and windows to let some air in. Then turned off the engine and passed out.
I was very peacefully dreaming (with the party in full force down the block) when someone asked me quite calmly "Sir, have you been drinking?"
I woke up and looked at the policeman asking me the question, and had to tell the truth "Yes, I have but I am sitting here til it is safe for me to go home so I can go to work in a few hours".
He pointed out to me that sitting behind the wheel (even with the engine off) I could be arrested for DWI, and made me take the keys out of the ignition and climb into the back seat where I sat for several hours just sure that those buggers were parked just around the corner waiting to see if I was stupid enough to try driving away too soon.
Finally just as the sun was coming up I decided I was safe to drive, went home and to bed. Called in sick too.
( , Fri 9 Jan 2004, 20:35, Reply)
Oh yes, one time I went to a very long and loud party near the local uni, where I left early cause I had to work the next day (yeah right). I staggered out the door and did manage to make it to my car without falling down.
I knew there was not a chance in hell though that I could drive all the way home like that so decided to sit in the car for an hour or so til I could see straight. It was a warm night so I started the engine, and opened the roof and windows to let some air in. Then turned off the engine and passed out.
I was very peacefully dreaming (with the party in full force down the block) when someone asked me quite calmly "Sir, have you been drinking?"
I woke up and looked at the policeman asking me the question, and had to tell the truth "Yes, I have but I am sitting here til it is safe for me to go home so I can go to work in a few hours".
He pointed out to me that sitting behind the wheel (even with the engine off) I could be arrested for DWI, and made me take the keys out of the ignition and climb into the back seat where I sat for several hours just sure that those buggers were parked just around the corner waiting to see if I was stupid enough to try driving away too soon.
Finally just as the sun was coming up I decided I was safe to drive, went home and to bed. Called in sick too.
( , Fri 9 Jan 2004, 20:35, Reply)
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