When I was married
My ex was a bit of an attention whore. She was, although it may be difficult to believe, a bit of a looker with a corking figure and a cracking set of norks. Unfortunately, the package was blackened by her being a demon straight from hell with a set of morals that would make Rose West think "now hang on a minute.....". I never really questioned it though, I learned to live with all the mind games, a deal that was sweetened a little by her being fairly stonking to look at and cuddle into at night and the fact I was as trusting as a kitten. Serious depression and a self esteem problem I still live with seemed a reasonable price to pay. I always thought of myself as a pretty decent person and wasn't really the kind of person who would try and tell her what to do, though even I was pushed to the limit on occasion.

She was, at first, reasonably shy about her figure, but towards the end she liked to flaunt everything she had fairly obviously. Her sister and her boyfriend used to stay at ours regularly, and each and every time they did the tiny satin nightie would get thrown on in the mornings with nothing on underneath it. I was married to her and my eyes were out on stalks, so I couldn't really blame the poor guy for slavering, but it visibly annoyed her sister and it made me feel pretty sick in my stomach, but I knew if I complained the argument would be near nuclear war force. Soi I kept my mouth shut.

This went on for quite a while, and got a lot worse when we went on holiday with her sister and her boyfriend. Practically the entire time was spent with her boyfriend attempting to see my exes gazongas, a situation which I became slightly disconcerted about, but as it was all done in a "ha ha it's all a big laugh" way, I felt I couldn't really say anything. It got to the point where he was sneaking into the bathroom while she was in the shower and such like to "give her a fright". I found myself wondering if it would be so comical if I was to do the same thing and found the answer was probably an overwhelming no on all fronts.

As a weird aside, however, it also seemed to be hilarious for him to pop his girlfriend's funbags out behind my back as well, laughing maniacally as she got all embarrassed and covered herself up before I turned round. Maybe I was just being a prude? Maybe I was just old fashioned and it really was just all a big laugh and not pervy at all.

However, the one time I turned round just as he popped a perfectly formed chesticle out of it's cotton hammock proved me correct in my initial estimations. She said "Did you see that there?" I replied with a large smile and an "oh yes."

He didn't speak to her for over an hour, or me either for some strange reason I still cannot fathom. The hilarious pervy fun stopped around the same time, I seem to remember.

I saw those once-amazing funbags again recently, though, and I reckon my ex won't have to worry about cold knees in the winter. Fray Bentos has a lot to answer for.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Mon 10 May 2010, 16:50, Reply)