How am I alive??
Don’t do anything mentioned below it’s pointless, stupid and will probably kill you!
Read some of the highlights and wonder at my staggering idiocy and inordinate amount of luck! This is only the stuff I can remember right now but I got away with just scrapes (and bitemarks!) all my bits and pieces are in good working order so I really can’t complain.

Sticking the business end of an air bomb into a moped shock absorber to make a small hand held cannon and firing it indoors. Newton’s law sent it backwards, nicking my shoulder and embedding itself in the wall behind me (it blew the windows out and I could hear nothing but ‘eeeeeee’ for a day or two!)
Having the great idea of sliding down a scaffolding support pole without gloves and letting go when my hands got hot. I was falling long enough to hear the wind in my ears before I hit the deck.
Another wind in my ears moment was in Spain, I leapt over a wall for a slash without looking what was on the other side… about 30 feet of fuck all apparently, thankfully the ground sloped away from the wall at the bottom so I bounced off that and eventually rolled to a halt, got up and shouted ‘I’m okay!’
Making my own sky rockets… When it doesn’t light properly, returning to it is not a good thing to do, I heard a rising ‘sssssssSSSSSS!’ and jumped at the right moment, I have a nice still from a bit of video with me in an Austin Powers time tunnel pose, mid-air, and a massive fireball beneath me.

Involuntarily ducking during the storm of ’87 and narrowly avoiding a high speed sheet or corrugated iron which soon embedded itself 2 feet into an earth bank, I felt it brush my head as it went by so I’m guessing it was a close thing!
Sauntering down the pavement, minding my own business and getting hit by a car, I took the wing mirror off and was still able to chase the fucker down the road.

Almost got pearly gatified by a car whilst on a motorbike, he indicated left, I overtook and he turned right. I dropped the bike, shaving the foot pegs off and went under. I crushed the petrol tank with my legs about two inches on each side but still managed to push the bike home (and when my mum brought me a cup of tea and I’d sat down I immediately burst into tears!)

Pouring some old black powder from a knackered firework onto a candle with my hand, not realising that the trail of powder will set off the stuff I was holding, that was a very bright, loud, and stingy experience.
Running away from a goat is the best thing to do if it’s hell bent on killing you. It caught me and had me pinned up against a wall by my chest, after I started feeling faint my dad (finally) noticed and smacked it one with a decent sized lump of wood.
Idly mixing everything I could find in the bathroom to make something fun. Instead I made chlorine gas and didn’t feel right for a couple of days.
Cantering along on a horse with a saddle far too large for it, flipping upside down and seeing nothing but nasty crushy hooves until I managed to extricate myself (I was 8 at the time!)
Kicked a dog when I was 13 (After the fucker had latched on to my arm!) and alerted the police when I’d got free, one copper knocked on the owners door and it leapt at his face destroying his radio in the process. It ragged him a fair bit apparently!

:-)
( JamHamster My eyes, my beautiful eyes!, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 21:44, Reply)