Suburban spelunky
As the eldest and best child, I had the attic room at my parents' place. It had big velux windows that offered a splendid view over the sunken garden at the back of the house, and meant I could smoke crafty jazz fags without alerting my elders and betters.

Being the super-rebellious punk fan I was, my pride and joy was an ashtray I'd made by nicking a 7" Simply Red single and dunking it in boiling water before squishing it between two breakfast bowls. I called it 'Flick Hucknall'. Sophisticated and ironic, the ladies, my suave self imagined, wouldn't stand a chance when faced with such awesome art/terror.

Emptying the ashtray out the window one night, the jam-jar base came unstuck and my prized posession clattered eight feet down the roof tiles before getting caught in the gutter. Gulp. Although my parents would never see it if it stayed there, the wind would likely send it spinning into the back garden where the 'rents could cop a glance meaning I'd be i) done for nicking/ruining a 'perfectly good' single ii) done for smoking in the house. I needed to get it back then and there.

Several McGuyver-style aerial lead and coathanger contrivances later, and Flick Hucknall was still resolutely stuck - I could hook it, but the leading edges of the tiles made it impossible to pull it back up. There was nothing for it, I'd have to climb down.

I looked out the window again. Eight feet to the gutter. Four storeys down.

Now, I wasn't totally stupid - I knew climbing out there with no rope was a fool's errand, so using my superior intellect, I reasoned that a 20-foot aerial cable would do the job admirably. I lashed one end around an exposed beam, tied the other end round my waist and climbed out the window.

The descent, inch by inch, would be the second-longest three minutes of my life. The roof offered little or no purchase, so it must have been sheer terror that held me on. I reached the ashtray, stuck it in my back pocket and, splayed like a hand under an opportune bottom, I began to ascend. Perversely, this was better than the descent - I was now moving in the right direction. Hurrah!

The cable stretched and I slid four feet backward.

Had our neighbours been listening at open window, they would have surely heard the high, keening whistle that emerged from my bottom as I abandoned sense, pulled hard on the cable and tried cover the remaining distance before my bumrocket power gave out and gravity realised what I was up to. I cleared the windowledge and crashed gratefully onto my bedroom floor.

I was subsequently bollocked for 'making a loud noise'. I didn't mind.
(SimianKid internet faffer, Tue 9 Jul 2013, 17:13, 7 replies)

I've been on a roof.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 9 Jul 2013, 17:35, closed)

I almost fell off the roof of my parents' garage.
But I didn't. Phew.
To be fair, SimianKid's story was better than mine.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 9:43, closed)

I like this one

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 9 Jul 2013, 17:39, closed)

It's (a) probably true and (2) could have led to actual death.
Which distinguishes it from ... every single other entry this week.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 9 Jul 2013, 17:45, closed)

it's a far cry from McShit-tits' SLIGHTLY SCRATCHED CAR DOOR OF DEATH tedium

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 9 Jul 2013, 18:27, closed)

Aww cheers
I don't normally go in for QOTW, but this is my my bestest and most pant-filling story. Way too meek these days - I find speedy bus journeys a little high on the Jerry Bruckheimer scale.
(SimianKid internet faffer, Tue 9 Jul 2013, 23:50, closed)

What he doesn't tell
is that at the time he was 32 and suffering from an employment allergy.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Tue 9 Jul 2013, 23:24, closed)

Are you psychic?
Spookily close to the truth now; not so then. Had any thoughts about lottery numbers recently?
(SimianKid internet faffer, Tue 9 Jul 2013, 23:49, closed)

7516972

(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:57, closed)