Cuntishness made awesome
Londoners will be familiar with our system of paying for buses. Children ride the bus for free. Teenagers may also get on for free, provided they have a special "I'm a teenager" card.

This fact is common knowledge. Despite this, at least once a week, the bus is delayed by a teenager demanding to get on for free without their card.

Sometimes the bus is held up for quite a long time. This is because teenagers are prone to throwing rather loud wobblies at the prospect of having to fork out two pounds.

One day, a moody young chav boarded the bus, without the card. The passengers--including myself (I have lived in South London far too long)--struck up a symphony of tooth-kissing in anticipation of the five-minute delay as bus driver became locked in verbal combat with a youngster with an entitlement complex.

"Nar man, just let me on, I'm twelve, innit," the youth protested (he looked closer to fifteen, but that is wholly beside the point).

All bus drivers are misanthropic cunts. This is 100% of fact. This bus driver was special. He was a clever misanthropic cunt.

"OK, mate," the driver replied in a calm, measured tone. "Tell you what. If you can run to the next bus stop before I get there, I'll let you on for free."

The gauntlet was thrown out. Still in his P.E. kit, our surly antihero readily accepted this challenge.

The bus pulled off. And sailed down the traffic-free road at thirty miles per hour, leaving Kevin as but a dot on the horizon.

Driver didn't even stop at the next stop.
( Queen of Cheesecake, Fri 26 Jun 2009, 16:47, 1 reply)

*click*
That's fantastic!
(Galahad is out of his gourd on yellow bentines, Sat 27 Jun 2009, 6:16, closed)