Manchester to Wakey, via sodding Goodwood.
So I'm making my way home from Britain's unwashed second city, first on the Metrolink, then onto a northbound train at Piccadilly, then onto a slow local train at Huddersfield... in theory at least. As I waited at Huddersfield, and admired the (quite splendid) Victorian architecture, it became increasingly obvious the local train wasn't going to show up. Eventually, the announcement came through that it had been cancelled due to a police raid(!) As the next one was not due for about another hour, and as I'd spent 45 minutes pissing around already, I decided to catch the next Wakefield-bound bus instead.

By sheer good luck, there was one due to leave in five minutes. It pulled up ten minutes late, the middle-aged driver looking rather harassed; he was accompanied by someone official-looking from the company, so I can only assume he was on probation or otherwise under scrutiny. Having taken everyone on board (a grand total of 3), he pulled out and began the most terrifying journey I have ever had on public transport.

It started out uneventfully, the driver proceeding in a brisk and well-behaved fashion through the town centre, Waterloo and Lepton. But the moment we left the outskirts of town, he put his foot to the floor and began tearing round country lanes as if he had a rocket up his arse. As anyone who knows Huddersfield can testify, most of these little back-roads are steep and narrow - the key word being "steep". What's more, the bus was well past its salad days and not really designed to take such abuse in the first place; it sounded (and felt) like it was going to collapse on one of the many tight blind corners. After enduring about ten minutes of this rattling rural rollercoaster, the higher functions of my brain shut down and I thought "well, if I'm going to die now at least I was doing something exciting." When I disembarked at Wakey I could barely even stand up straight, never mind think.

To the driver's credit, he did manage to navigate a difficult route at high speed without even coming close to colliding with anything, and he shaved 15 minutes off an hour-long journey, more than making up for lost time. If he can do that with a multi-tonne vehicle that's 40 feet long and 10 feet wide, he'll have a bright future in professional rally-driving. But I'm not riding on his buses again, no fucking way.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 0:48, Reply)