Malcolm The Bus Driver
When I was at university several years ago our first year accommodation was separate from the main campus, as such the university laid on a shuttle bus service to ferry our lardy student arses back and forth. The hall of residence itself was a generally shitty place, the kind of place where boredom could drive a man to wonder what the sensation of putting a switched on vacuum cleaner in his mouth would be like; the food was served in two different ways - fried and deep fried.

But I digress, the bus drivers that ran this service were generally of a good nature, the rules technically stated that you had to show your pass in order to qualify for your corpulent form to be shuttled to campus however most of the drivers didn’t bother to enforce this rule.

There was however the exception, Malcolm the bus driver, everyone hated Malcolm; he was a special kind of twunt. He always insisted on making you show your pass, if you forgot to pass you were walking to campus, or at least waiting till one of the other buses with a more reasonable driver onboard. Some of the highlights from Malcolm’s bus journeys include:

1. The time he deliberately drove off early from the bus stop because he saw the rugby team approaching and he didn’t want them to make his precious bus muddy

2. He often used to stick a finger in his ear and shake it about like an epileptic at a disco, but on one memorable occasion he inserted the tail end of a plastic spoon into his ear and started digging about with it so deep one can only assume he was trying to dislodge his brain, the spoon was subsequently removed and put in his mouth. There was a unified gasp.

3. Malcolm loved to perv over the young Asian girls, he always waited for them if he saw them approaching the bus stop, he never made sure that they had their passes and on several occasions drove them to their rented accommodation several miles outside of his route back and forth to campus, while the bus was full of other students I hasten to add.

Then one morning as we all dragged ourselves out of bed at some ungodly hour for lectures (probably 11am or *shock* even earlier) we were greeted with a notice asking for our condolences as Malcolm had 'tragically' passed away the previous evening. Instead rumours just started circulating about him dying of a massive heart attack during some kind of sex orgy with one of his beloved Asian students, he probably wanked himself to death over the CCTV footage of girls going over the speed bumps.
(Psymon_Spark Jesus Saves! The rest of you take 4d6 damage, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:57, 3 replies)

Ah, Malcolm...
I'd forgotten all about him!
This gets a mighty click.
A fine first post.
( Cawl, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 11:43, closed)

So how long
before you started to think, this sounds a bit famillar
(Psymon_Spark Jesus Saves! The rest of you take 4d6 damage, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:06, closed)

First couple of lines!
Vivid memories there!

You forgot to mention the Hammer Man though!
( Cawl, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:21, closed)