Two-wheeled terror
Back when I was a wee little shit I regularly caught the bus both to and from school. The school had contracted the service to some shoddy second-rate company, complete with dilapidated double-decker buses and a very high turnover of drivers. Often I would not see the same man behind the wheel more than once, as is the case with the one I shall mention below.

The driver in question was a chap who I would soon find out was totally insane. There were no seats available and so I had to stand and hold a rail, not usually a problem. However once the bus started to move it was, I swear this guy had no idea that such a thing as a brake pedal existed, or engine braking for that matter. I clung onto that rail for dear life as the bus lurched around corners at breakneck speeds.

Our chauffeur certainly knew the accelerator existed as he had one of his feet pushing it firmly into the board at all times, even when faced with the many speedbumps scattered about the roads. The creaking metal monstrosity must have been travelling well in excess of the 30mph speed limit, I'm surprised it didn't fall apart at such speeds. The bus hurtled downhill toward a Gatso conveniently placed for the purposes of nicking motorists and was met with an inevitable flash as it passed. The driver was totally unfazed and had made no attempt to slow down beforehand, this despite the fact that the camera is in plain view for all to see.

At this point I felt rather uneasy and had taken quite a battering as a result of being flung about inside the bus from hell. However the worst was yet to come - the bus was headed for an island. The driver's grin turned into an crazed ear-to-ear smile as he flung the wheel left, then sharply right. The bus tipped one way then the other, no sooner was I almost hanging from the rail than I was crashing violently back into it. With the angle at which the bus was leaning I swear it must have been on two wheels and somehow defying the laws of physics. The majority of the other passengers were screaming in the same manner as they would on a rollercoaster, they were actually enjoying it. I on the other hand was white as a sheet and touching cloth.

As the other passengers departed they congratulated the driver, some even shook his hand. Nobody seemed to care that they could have departed this bus journey by departing from their mortal lives.
( R.Soul hmmm, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 15:36, Reply)