Could have gone in last week too....
Me: "Ambulance Emergency. What's the problem? Tell me exactly what's happened."

Caller: "The little people are there. They're attacking me again."

Me: "So, you say you're being attacked by people. Is that right?"

C: "Yes. They're on top of my fridge. Aaagh...they're screaming at me."

Me: "Ooooookaaay. So how long has this been going on for?" (Oh fuckit, she's on a mobile so no fixed address.)

C: "Yearsandyearsandyears. MAKE THEM STOP."

Me: "OK, just stay calm. Can I take your address please?"

C: "You know where I am. YOU ALL KNOW WHERE I AM!"

Me: "Unfortunately I don't. I know you are in the xxxx area of London but I need a specific address"

C: "If I give you my address the Nazis will find me"

At this stage the dispatcher is mouthing "get a fucking address or I will dig out your heart with a rusty spoon" at me. And of course, the number search comes up with fuck all....

Me: "Look, can you give me a postcode?"

C: "Do you PROMISE you wont tell the Nazis?"

Me: "I promise"

C: "If they find me I'll know it was you. I know your phone number now."

Me: "Yes, it's 999...so can I have that postcode?"

C: "It's NWXX XXX"

Me: "So you're on XXXX Street?"

C: "HOW DO YOU KNOW? AARRRGH! NAZI"...click...brrrr....

Eventually got her number from Vodafone. The crew informed me that she had a very large and shiny collection of sharp things.
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Fri 4 Sep 2009, 9:03, 2 replies)

NW Postcode?
Could've been my girlfriend..... she has erm, special moments occasionally...
( SpankyHanky, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 9:28, closed)

"Yes, it's 999"
...earns a click
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 9:53, closed)