I worked for Sky
Except that, technically, I worked for a company hired by Sky to provide extra customer service. If you work directly for Sky you are allowed free Sky TV for the duration.

Having worked at Sky however, I still think free is too much to pay.

There were few good sides, mainly involving porn.

Example 1: Taking a call with 5 minutes to go til closing time from a bisexual lady who wanted a porn film that focussed on men but wasn't completely gay.

Now, when you looked at the list of films all you got was the title, unless you selected the film and read the blurb, but that was still a not entirely accurate way of guessing the content.

Also, most porn is for men. You can tell by the title if it's for men quite a lot of the time. So I sifted through all the porn films on the database looking for titles that didn't scream 'Big titted ladies cop off with each other'.

So, at 10.29 pm, with a minute to go til close, I am reading out porn-blurb to a very nice bisexual lady, who is weighing up the pros and cons of each film and deciding based on our guesses as to what 'Debbie and Clem find an old paddling pool in the attic and invite some of Debbie's friends round' could possibly entail, cock-wise.

In the end I said, 'Look, I'm really sorry but the entire building is closing and I don't think we're any nearer finding a film for you. What might work better is if you buy a channel for the evening, which lasts several hours longer, is only a couple more quid, and will cover all your bases, so to speak.'

She took the channel option. I really hope there were cocks in it. Bless you dear lady, whoever you are, for letting me go home on time.

Example 2:

'You are going to have to tell me what this means on my bill!'
'What what means, madam?'
'Nightly Services! What is that?'
'That's pornography madam.'
'Whaaaaaaaaaaaat? I most certainly did not order that, it must be a mistake.'
'Sorry madam but the only way to order that is with a 4 digit pin code, have you set one?'
'Yes I have!'
'Oh, well it can only be ordered by someone who knows that pin number.'
'Don't be ridiculous, it's only me and my husband here!'
'...ah.'

But they weren't MPs, so no major problems there. As euphemisms go I think 'Nightly Services' lacks something. I hope they've changed it.

Example 3:

The guy who sat next to me was on a long call, same kind of thing as above, someone querying a bill. I wasn't on call and I could hear the tinny sounds of the customer through his headset. Someone with a ludicrously deep voice. The debate continued for several minutes with Dermot, the guy next to me, stating again and again that it is going to have to be paid for, and it isn't something that can be ordered by accident.

The guy then shouted something I couldn't make out, but it was no longer in a deep, booming voice. There was a long pause before Dermot said:

'You're fourteen aren't you?'
(thePontificator, Sat 5 Sep 2009, 18:31, 3 replies)

It's too late, but
I think there are films with men having sex with both each other, and ladies. They seem to have a macho man, an effeminate man, and a lady, and all have 'bi' in the title.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 5 Sep 2009, 18:59, closed)

Oh right.
I can't remember if there was a search function on it or not. Probably not, it was quite a clunky DOS system in those days.

It's just occurred to me that the channel was probably mainly just straight forward man/woman gruntathons.
(thePontificator, Sat 5 Sep 2009, 20:46, closed)

"I think..."
Hahahah

Wink wink
( chart cat has an itch, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 8:42, closed)