I still like hitchhiking though
Many many moons ago I was hitchhiking on the way back from Nottinghamshire to the much happier climes of South Devon. I hadn't done too well yet, and had got as far as a bit of motorway the wrong side of Sheffield.
Then this chubby bloke picked me up. He seemed a bit nervous and slightly odd, but a lift was a lift after all.
It gradually became clear that he was a few spanners short of a toolbag, gay and he appeared to want to touch my leg quite a lot. Being not gay, recently married and fairly young I didn't quite know what to make of this. Also it's not a good idea punching the driver of a car you're travelling at 70+ in. I resorted to removing his wandering hands on a regular basis and telling him I wasn't interested. I also tried the time-honoured tactic of god-bothering him.

I was starting to get worried by now, because he started asking me what God would do to someone who 'did something bad' to a hitchhiker. I suggested that it probably wouldn't be too pleasant, and that God wouldn't waste his time in punishing him if he did that sort of thing.

And then along came my salvation. The van in front braked quite hard. Scary bloke was at the time concentrating on getting his hand onto my thigh and therefore responded a bit on the late side, slamming hard on the brakes and putting his car into a quite frankly terrifying spin. what seemed like about 720 degrees later we somehow landed in the hard shoulder unharmed.

Scary bloke decided that I wasn't kidding about the wrath of Jehovah almighty and started crying and repenting. He felt so guilty that instead of taking me another ten miles (as he'd said he would) or even killing me and shagging my corpse, he drove me all the way to Bristol, shaking and crying the whole way.

So now I'm not scared of being picked up by bum rapists - I have the wrath of God on my side. Plus I'm a bit beefier now.
(teasus likes tea, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 18:27, Reply)