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"Here in my car", said 80s pop hero Gary Numan, "I feel safest of all". He obviously never shared the same stretch of road as me, then. Automotive tales of mirth and woe, please.

(, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 12:34)
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Not me.....
....my brother: a total fuckwit when it comes to cars. Every panel of his first motor, a vomit-coloured Vauxhall Chevette, was absolutely covered in bumps, bashes, scrapes, and all manner of evidence that he had about as much control over the car as a blind amputee with parkinson's.

He was apparently unaware that the metal barrier on the inside of a large roundabout is to be avoided. Actually, now that I think about it, he was really very good at scraping his car along the barrier in a retarded stunt-man kind of way.

His Cortina's petrol tank fell out on the main road (probably to escape the spastic driving the car). His Astra was a fucking death-trap: holes in the floor, front wheels that rattled at speeds over 40mph, engine mounts that looked like they were made out of rust, and a lovely rubbery burning smell when you pressed the brake pedal, and his 4-door Escort was technically only a 3-door as the passenger door would physically come off the hinges if you opened it.

But his Achilles heel of the automotive world is any rear wheel drive car. After about 2 days of being permitted to drive our dad's Capri, he spun it on a main road, hitting 2 walls, a tree, then finishing in a hedge. (But I wasn't speeding your honour...)

My brother had to move back home to get back on his feet after a messy break-up with his ex-cunt, and he needed transport to get to work, so after much convincing that he would "be careful, I promise" he was named on our dad's insurance policy.

On his first journey back from work, he spun our dad's 3-series BMW out of control coming out of a roundabout, hit a kerb and managed to clear a fucking 3ft fence and landed it in a field. (But I wasn't speeding, your honour...) 10/10 for technique, bro.

The car was a write-off, since the entire side of it was caved-in and both axles were buckled. I laughed but my dad did not.
(, Sun 25 Apr 2010, 11:05, 1 reply)
His Cortina's petrol tank fell out on the main road (probably to escape the spastic driving the car).

Genuine LOL moment there!
(, Sun 25 Apr 2010, 19:39, closed)

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