Mrs Bof... harbinger of doom
Mrs.Bof is not what can be described as a good driver.

Part 1:
When she wanted to learn, I gave her one lesson in my car during which she wanted to attempt a 3 point turn.
OK, says I… as you can see, just a bit further on is a cul de sac so you can turn there without interruption, but please note that there is a tree bent out over the road so you do not want to turn there.
Off she goes and stops the car next to the tree.
“I see you have chosen to turn right next to the tree. You will have to be extra careful”
The first part was executed ok and then she starts to reverse.
“Tree…”, “Tree…”, “Tree!…”, “Tree!!!…”, “TREE!!!…”
*Crunch*
I didn’t lose it, I kept calm but she did say that my shouting “TREE!!!” had upset her.

Part 2:
God alone knows how but she passed her test a few weeks later and promptly bought herself a lovely little Micra (2 years old, 7K on the clock and automatic (I forgot to add that she can’t drive a manual, its too complicated)). Off she goes shopping with her sister and returns 3 hours later with the front hanging off the car. It had met with a concrete pillar in a multistory car park.
That lovely little car was destined to be brutalised by the worst driver in the world.
In the space of 3 years the Micra has had 14 minor bumps to which I can add the 3 that she has put on my car.

Part 3:
Once she was driving me to work. Her road positioning and awareness of other users is somewhat random.
In my passenger seat, I was screaming… like an 8 year old in an Irish orphanage…
“Why are you screaming?” she asks
“I’m trying to harmonise with the bloody cyclist you are about to kill, now pull out a bit!”

Dear God… she scares me to death, and if she wasn’t such a beautiful person, I’d probably shout at every bump, scrape and near miss… life’s too short to get stressed or upset my own personal RTA.
(bof, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:57, 5 replies)

It's not easy
Trying to sound like you're not telling them what to do, but at the same time trying to point out the impending disaster in a calm and efficient manner.

In the car with one chap once, he's doing 90ish on the inside lane of a clear road at night. Ahead there's ONE broken down car with it's hazards on.

I think "Surely he's seen it" and keep quiet.

We approach faster, with no visible intention of getting into the outside lane.

I mention "Ooh, what's that broken down car doing there" - an he shouts "Christ" and swerves into the outside lane.

God only knows where he was looking - it certainly wasn;t in front of us!
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 12:02, closed)

“I’m trying to harmonise with the bloody cyclist you are about to kill, now pull out a bit!”
Earns you a click.
( Moey, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 13:19, closed)

Errr....
"Dear God… she scares me to death, and if she wasn’t such a beautiful person, I’d probably shout at every bump, scrape and near miss… life’s too short to get stressed or upset my own personal RTA"

Better to sob at her funeral then? If I were you I'd quickly get her tanked up and done for drunk driving - better banned than dead!
(NoveltyCondomHead Clanks Wams., Tue 27 Apr 2010, 14:51, closed)

Nice idea... but
She doesn't drink....
So on the plus side, she's a cheap date and the savings probably go towards repairs.
(bof, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 12:01, closed)

Sorry, but
If she hasn't got the co-ordination to drive a car with gears she shouldn't be allowed on the road. I'm not surprised she can't drive for shit.

Automatic only licenses should only be given out to people who can't drive a manual through disability, not being too ditzy.

No offence, like.
( Noo_Noo Is now 'BeerElf Jnr', I guess :), Tue 27 Apr 2010, 17:52, closed)