Attempted Porcine-cide
My mate Steve's one of those drivers that appears to put blinkers on when he gets in the car.
And matching ear-plugs.

One night, driving along the A12 near Romford, where there are traffic lights every 100 yards, we pulled up next to a VW Golf. We were in his old 1600 Cortina (well, not old at the time, but neither were we).

Lights change, and off we go, with the Golf edging ahead. Steve thinks it's a race and speeds up. He's obviously smelling victory when the Golf slows down a bit and we get ahead.

He didn't however, hear his passengers screaming "STEVE - For fuck's sake SLOW DOWN. There are coppers in the road.". It was a speed trap, and 2 brightly dressed officers of the law are in the road, flagging each lane down. The Golf's seen them, but Steve manages to plough on, realizing his but mistake 10' from launching the copper into orbit.

I didn't know they had ropes attached to the poor sods given the short straw of standing in the middle of the road. They pulled him out of the way quite sharpish, if I remember.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 13:57, Reply)