Some years ago, I was out walking my dog.
We were in Hinchingbrook Park in Huntingdon when it became evry obvious I was in great need of a mud out. It became clear I would need to locate a suitable place to drop and quick. I had a single kleenex tissue in my pocket, so I split it in two and stuffed them with moss to ensure maximum wipage and popped into some bushes.

The dog had found a chum and was busy playing so I looked round, nobody about so I dropped my trouers and proceeded to empty my arse. Well, the first carriage was only half way out of the tunnel when this rather pompous old lady who was also walking a dog, well a yappy rat really, called out to me. "You there!" I didn't know what to do so I stayed quiet. "Are you alright?" she replied, "You there, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT ?". I replied, "Fine thanks, just looking for my ...er keys". How was I to know she was almost deaf. "ARREE YOOOU ALLLLL RIGHT?" she repeated slowly. "Yes, I'M FINE, JUST LOOKING FOR SOMETHING." She still didn't hear and started calling things out to me. Just then one of the park wardens came over to see what all the fuss was all about only to arrive as I had realised she was deaf and shouted back, "Fuck off you old trout. I'm having a shit!"

Some words were exchanged. I left the park, I haven't been back there.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 4 Jun 2010, 14:34, Reply)