How to pull women
Two chat-up lines so sublime I have to share them despite their not being mine. These were deployed up near Aberdeen with no success, but much alcohol. If you want to re-create the first one, here are some cut-out-and-keep instructions

Step 1: Approach object of desires that you would like to do it with.
Step 2: Rub face with hands until (s)he asks "what are you doing?"
Step 3: Reply "Warming up your seat for later!" in enthusiastic tones.
Step 4: Nurse bruised face and find dignity wherever you left it.

The second one is not repeatable. A friend of my colleague was up to his eyeballs in whisky and so forth, and meant to complement a likely-looking lady on the acmed curve of her buttocks, but to show that he wasn't a bounder and a cad and only after her for her tidy bum, he also wanted to remark on the prettiness of her visage. Further to this, he was desirous to show off his cocksure confidence, and invite her back to the privacy of his place forthwith. This much he confided to his friend beforehand.

It would require some smooth talking. Needless to say, some wires got crossed somewhere in the language areas of his brain, and he came out with the Casanovan gem, "your face - my arse". Slick move, Johnny Smooth, but sad to say it didn't work.
(StapMyVitals wouldn't mind a bit of that, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 21:18, Reply)