I was once
introduced to a girl who was the friend of a neighbour.

I was recently single and had singlehandedly shagged my way around the village like a cheap, nymphomaniac whore, so was feeling a bit like a young George Clooney on heat after eating a man sized viagra tablet.

This neighbour was the nightmare neighbour from hell. She'd often walk in my house through the back door wearing nothing but a tiny dressing gown - usually with a couple of bottles of wine stashed inside. Once she climed in my bed naked and refused to leave unless I joined her.

Anyway, I somehow managed to convince her that this was not going to happen between us - certainly not while she was married to a bloody great big bloke anyway.

So it seems she figured, if she couldn't have me she'd introduce me to her mate. Her mate, as it turns out was a saucy, half-Italian girl who looked more than half decent. Suddenly, I was no longer trying to do a runner and I agreed to meet her.

She turned up at my house, along with the aforementioned neighbour from hell. Anyway, we were more-or-less going out on a blind date up until this point. I did actually recognise the girl, but seeing as she only lived about 10 miles away this wasn't a huge suprise. The neighbour introduces us both and then leaves us alone.

At this point, I was feeling that this girl hadn't come down for a 'date', she had actually come down with hopes of walking home like Marion Morrison; so I pulled a coin from my pocket, tossed it in the air and said:

"Heads, we eat first. Tails we go to the bedroom, and eat later."

She looked a little taken back, but said "Err....Heads then".

It was tails!

At that point, I said that we'd have to be pretty desperate to live our lives on the toss of a coin, grabbed her hand, lead her to the bedroom and then she discovered my length joke.

Sadly, it turns out that whilst not married (as was the aforementioned neighbour), unbenknownst to me, she was in fact in a pretty serious relationship with someone. Someone who shortly afterwards wanted to beat the living daylights out of me for doing his girlfriend up the wrongen' and the righten' all evening (never did get to go out to eat in the end).

She was also a psycho. She'd text me around 150 times a day, and then get upset if I didn't reply within around 3 seconds (I do have a job to do). Then she got a taxi the 10 miles from her place, simply to leave her dirty knickers hanging on my door. It got a lot worse, but that's probably for another QoTW.

So, when it comes to pulling and chat up lines, make sure that the person you are chatting up isn't attached, or at least isn't attached to someone bigger than you, and not a pyscho.

Bloody women!
(dchurch bah, Mon 14 Dec 2009, 15:32, 2 replies)

This REALLY happened.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 7:53, closed)

Yes.
it did. I have many more, but most no-one would believe, and I'd be accused of owning a Honda Accord if I posted them.
(dchurch bah, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 8:14, closed)