Not so much "kid" as "uninformed 12 year old"
I thought I was the only one who had knocked one out. Ever. And that made me a sick bastard. I still remember the freaking out and confusion. The horror at what I'd done. Crying myself to sleep.

Then a few months later I saw a particular episode of South Park, looked the term masturbation up, and a huge weight was lifted from me. It's normal! Everyone does it, I was just an early starter!

I resolved there and then to become knowledgeable about sex, romance, intimacy, psychology, and indeed did so, stopping only to knock one off the wrist. I also resolved to never EVER be ashamed of myself again, which contributed massively to my current laissez faire state of mind.

This rather backfired when my knowledge got me cast as the school pervert and completely ostracised, but, hey, that was years ago now, why would I still be bitter? he asks with only the faintest twitch.

If anyone from my family reads this and DIDN'T realise I was a veritable wanking machine as a teenager, well, welcome to reality. :)

Oh, and a friend told me that men in prison had sex because there were no women around. This much is true. He also said they did it by putting one penis inside the other. This, while possible, is less true. Believed it for years, that one.
(a gun that fires other, smaller guns full of jizz, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:53, 18 replies)

Is it possible?
No. Forget I asked.
(leviticus no longer likes the cut of your gib on, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 13:57, closed)

No, it's too late now
Google docking. Make sure the room is otherwise free of people before doing so.
(a gun that fires other, smaller guns full of jizz, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 14:01, closed)

When this was all fields
there was once a video clip in the newsletter of a man docking with a vibrator.
( Mond, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 15:35, closed)

Seen it!
More times than I'd like to, actually. And once in a friend's immediate internet history. Oh! How we did laugh!
(a gun that fires other, smaller guns full of jizz, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 15:50, closed)

Don't try to kid yourself
that your mother didn't know what you were up to.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 14:06, closed)

I made one mistake...
...and that was spending 20 minutes in the bathroom at a time, 8 times a day.

Every day for 6 years.
(a gun that fires other, smaller guns full of jizz, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 14:13, closed)

I had a badly hidden stash of soft porn,
made regular, extended trips to the bog, occassionally left suspicious stains around the house, and, in what is not my finest hour, once carried on a conversation with a family member whilst wanking.

Being a teenage boy was great. Real, grown up sex has been a bit of a let down, by comparison.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 16:18, closed)

good lord.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 20 Jan 2012, 12:29, closed)

12 is early?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 14:09, closed)

Alright, fair enough
It was early compared to my mates. Who, in time, all became famous for being as sexually uptight and paranoid as Blackadder's Puritan aunt and uncle.

On average, I'd say 12 is about normal? Yes? No?
(a gun that fires other, smaller guns full of jizz, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 14:15, closed)

No idea.
I was wanking to Tarzan when I was seven or eight.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 14:38, closed)

I bet Cheetah really floated your boat Dr.

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 14:40, closed)

It was generally when Jane or Boy was captured by the natives.
I'm getting a semi. Back in a mo.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 14:54, closed)

AAAAAAOOOWAAAAAAAOOOOOWAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOWAAAAAAOOOOWAAAAAAARGH!
That's better.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 15:05, closed)

Just reading that reply...

Took longer than my standard tugging sessions tend to last.

I hereby deem you a stallion of a man!
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 19 Jan 2012, 15:18, closed)

Why because he has a long face?

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 15:38, closed)

Pffffft!...

I don't know, but I admire his stamina.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 19 Jan 2012, 15:42, closed)

I started around 8 as well, though never thought it was bad. Kind of miss not having to tidy up
(tyrellsOwl, Thu 19 Jan 2012, 15:02, closed)