I wasn't quite scarred by early exposure to hard core porn but certainly confused by it.
This is somewhat of a pearoast but because I can't find the original it'll be possbly more embroidered than the last one.

As a ten year old, hanging about in the woods of the local park with my fellow gang members (think Bash Street Kids more than Bloods and Crips) a well known scally who was notorious for being a crazy loner (having a congenital deformation and had since had to evolve an over-the-top personality to compensate) was showing off with his sheath knife, stabbing trees with it until he snapped the blade off, then proceeded to pull a German hard core porn magazine out of his back pocket and leeringly thrust it into our faces saying 'What do you think of that then?'. It was a picture of a mustachioed man in a cowboy outfit (but with no trousers on) inserted into a country gal costumed wench, standard doggy-style stuff but still classified as illegal in this country due to the graphic exposure of hard-on-schlong and penetrative involvement.

Now I was aware that as a growing boy I might eventually end up with curly wurly pubes and a bigger set of equipment so no surprises there. However female anatomy was a differrent matter. Due to early life experiences on family holidays abroad where toddlers were allowed to hang out on the beach with no clothes on I knew that girls had a bum cleft and this carried on in a continuous line from back to front. So what I was seeing can only have been a man putting his substantially engorged willy into her bumhole. Making that assumption I asked tentatively if that was the case where the mentalist scornfully jeered 'That's how babies are made, some stuff comes out of his dick into her'.

Ah. What comes out of a dick? Wee certainly does. Being a bit to young to have experienced spunky splattering all I could think of was wee.

So that must mean babies come from when a man puts his willy up a woman's bum and then wees up her, the magical union and act of love results in a baby falling back down the shit-chute some months later.

Looking back on it now I can see only one problem with my misconception- being red hot Dutch or German porn, perhaps he was doing anal after all but in profile I wouldn't have been able to tell......
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Sun 22 Jan 2012, 13:17, Reply)