Squirt & Blurt
Recently had my man jam tested for virility/quality/taste and fuck knows what else.

Its a pretty nerve-wracking procedure. You wank into a cup, place a lid on your premium splodge, then pass the fruit of your knackers to a nurse - in my case an incredibly attractive blonde Scandinavian type with big blue eyes and a mouth that could easy suck a Volkswagen Golf through a drinking straw*.

Under normal circumstances there would've been nothing more I'd have enjoyed doing than show this girl a nice healthy dollop of my cocksnot, preferably shot over her perky tits, neck and face. But handing it over in a little see-thru container, in a waiting room full of other blokes was just a bit fucking odd.

So I do what I usually do when I get nervous and the innerchild takes over. I blurt out the first thing that comes into my head without actually thinking about what I'm saying.

So I said my thing, smiled down at the nurse as she sat behind her desk, passed over my jar of cum, and then I did a bit of paperwork. After this I sauntered outside onto Euston Road, rather pleased with my little quip. I think it had actually made her smile. A bit. Well, she didn't tell me to fuck off. I walked a few more paces. Thinking about it, the nurse did give me a look like I was a serial killer on day release. She wasn't actually smiling at all. In fact, on second thoughts, I think she was pretty scared...

I stopped, tried to remember exactly what I'd said to the nurse, and did a little cringe inside.

What I meant to say was: "There's enough in there to make a hundred babies!" with a little chuckle. But what I actually said was: "There's enough in there to FEED a hundred babies!" with the little chuckle...

No wonder she looked at me like I was a fucking freak; I just hope she hasn't told the consultant what Mr Hanky's planning to put in the sprog's bottle if he ever actually becomes a father.


*And before you ask, yes, it was a female nurse.
( SpankyHanky, Mon 21 Sep 2009, 14:52, 1 reply)

It's a weird situation isn't it?
Having been through the IVF mill I've to had fill more than my fair share of plastic cups. After the first few I tended to find myself getting distracted by the non-porn articles in the magazines they provide to assist you (mountain biking inside the pyramids may be interesting, but I can't say it's a turn on for me). After years of no success we finally managed to find an egg donor. For obvious reasons the eggs are collected at the same time that I'm filling my latest cup. When I returned to the waiting room our donor was sitting there with her husband and having just fertilised her eggs (albeit externally) the first thing I said was "did the earth move for you too?" Evil glares all round for that one!
( SteamedCleaner, Mon 21 Sep 2009, 17:38, closed)