Cheese grater accident
When I was in grade 9, we all had to take a course called "work experience," in which we'd get a part-time job and work for a couple hours every week, just for job training. It sounded like a good idea, so I signed up. None of the cool places I wanted to work would hire me, so I ended up in the kitchen of an Italian restaurant.

One day at work, I was grating big blocks of parmesan cheese using an industrial cheese grater. Inside is a spinning serrated disc which grinds up the cheese, and I think it was dull. As I was getting through the block of cheese, I tried unblocking the opening. It was pretty cool. One time I stuck my finger in too far and the serrated edge put a little nick in my fingernail. After that I got more careless.

Then the grater caught my fingertip, and dug in deep, I think all the way to the bone. I pulled it out and it was bandaged using a finger condom.

Everyone got a short break following my accident. One guy commented that it'll be hard for me to masturbate now. Little did he know I actually use my left hand for that.

My finger never healed properly. Even today when I go swimming I can still feel pressure on my fingertip where the cheese grater sliced. It was bandaged up for weeks, and I had to have it always pointed upwards or it would start to throb. This came in handy during a football match when I was blocking one of the posts during a corner kick. The ball got past the keeper and was going to fly in over my head. By simply moving my hand a bit, I made it look like the ball had hit my hand unintentionally. I stopped a definite goal and the ref even let me get away with it. So the cheese grater accident wasn't a total loss.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Tue 21 Feb 2006, 14:03, Reply)