Pranking the kids
It was better than twenty years ago, back when my sons were about four and three respectively. They were typical small kids, constantly squabbling and hitting each other and being generally evil little shits to one another most of the time. (Today they are pretty close and rarely argue, fortunately.) The usual Santa threats were trotted out as most parents do, including the fake calls to Santa telling him to skip our house this year. ("Nooooooooo!")

One of the recurring jokes was that Santa wasn't going to put toys and such in their stockings, but would fill them with reindeer poop. ("Nooooooooo!")

So the night before, once I knew that they were asleep ("Santa's gonna go right past us if you keep getting out of bed!" "Nooooooooo!") we put the usual things in the stocking and set out the presents. And then I did a brilliant thing: I poured some chocolate covered raisins in each stocking.

The boys raced down the stairs in the morning, and as I'm making coffee my oldest pulls out a chocolate covered raisin. "Dad? What's this?"

"Reindeer poop, of course."

"EEEEWWWWW!"

I chuckled to myself as the coffee brewed and I got out the cinnamon rolls. I was just getting my first cup of coffee when he bursts into the kitchen with a look of panic. "Dad! Dad! Come quick!"

"What's wrong?"

"Alex is eating reindeer poop!"

I managed to speak around the giggles as I explained the joke. He pelted me with raisins.

The following year the joke was that it would be broccoli and underwear. I stuffed their (clean) underwear into the stockings the night before, and the next morning had them thrown at me.

I can only imagine what they'll do to their kids.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 24 Dec 2013, 17:07, 6 replies)

So much strikethrough so little time.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 24 Dec 2013, 17:24, closed)

Be fractionally less fucking dull than their parents if they're lucky.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 24 Dec 2013, 19:18, closed)

Well, look who's circumventing Ignore to stalk again. How... special.
I thought you had a family of your own to bother? Or is that just another bit of fiction, like you being over five feet tall?
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Sat 28 Dec 2013, 8:57, closed)

No idea who you are, dull boy. Soz.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 28 Dec 2013, 9:36, closed)