St Mary's Church, Whitby
... always seems worth a bit of a visit. It's full of these weird box pews that were installed in the 19th Century, and has assorted other Things Of Interest. Years ago in the area where there's now a sort of A/V show I found a pew that had clearly been shot with a shotgun at some point, probably from the balcony. It was full of holes, and indeed there was the odd lead pellet still embedded in there. It looked like rather old damage, since the splintering around the holes seemed well aged.

So I asked one of the people working there about it, expecting some interesting story to be forthcoming.

"Don't know anything about that" she said. "Never been any shotguns in here."

Oh.

Still, I thought it was an intrinsically interesting thing in itself - I mean, how often do you find evidence of gunfire inside a church? - so next time I was along with a friend who'd not been before I took her along to show her the gunshot.

All the holes had been filled in and coloured to blend with the old wood.

I'm now convinced that there's a juicy story being covered up.

As I was doing my CSI:Whitby act on the concealed damage, a member of staff came out of the shop and started watching very closely to see what we were up to. Naturally, we weren't up to anything, and to prove my innocence I moved casually to another pew, turned the handle and opened the door.

And the whole bloody thing ripped off its hinges and crashed to the floor with a horrendously loud bang that you could have heard in Pickering, effortlessly attracting the attention of all the tourists in the silent church, and bringing the other members of staff out of the shop at a trot.

"What the HELL do you think you're doing?" raged staff member #1. "That's an 18th Century pew!"

"Oh really?" I said, demonstrating my sang froid in a tone rather more falsetto than I'd hoped, "I thought they were 19th Century."

On the face of it this didn't really make it sound much better.

I wedged the door back into its frame, gave it a friendly pat, polished the fingerprints off with my cuff, and made my way out avoiding everyone's accusing eyes.

I've not been back since. Doesn't seem much point, now that the gunshots have been covered up and the pews go for you if you so much as look at them. And there's only so many giant ear trumpets a man needs to see in his lifetime.
(richardm, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 14:58, 5 replies)

Are you sure it wasn't woodworm and tinfoil?
I've seen an aweful lot of woodworm in churches and some can look a little like shotgun damage.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 18:50, closed)

Might have been woodworm
Assuming that woodworm group themselves in a fairly orderly shot pattern, leave splintery exit holes and excrete lead shot.
(richardm, Fri 2 Sep 2011, 9:27, closed)

Bugger
I'm intrigued by this and now I'll never know. I wonder if there were exit holes did the shot go on to hit anything else? That'd indicate that the pew was in situ when someone bust a cap in it.

i need to stop thinking about this.
(judgetheobscure used to sweep in butchers' shops., Fri 2 Sep 2011, 12:06, closed)

Yes.
Some of the shots had penetrated the back of the pew and embedded in the pew behind. That's how I estimated the angle to have come from the balcony. I'd like to think it was something dramatic like someone taking a pot-shot at the vicar in the pulpit and missing, but I suppose it's more likely someone messing about in an impressively sacriligious manner back at some lost point in history.
(richardm, Tue 6 Sep 2011, 11:24, closed)