The bikers of the apocalypse
Attending a friends' wedding, I travelled up with my GF on a motorcycle. Unfortunately, due to unfamiliarity with the space-warping mindfuck that is Maidstone's one-way system, we managed to make it to the church only just in time - we actually passed the bride on the church path, half way between the posh car and the church door, at a dead run.

Skidding comically around the corner as we entered the church, stared at by the whole congregation because the Wedding March had started, we bolted for our seats - which were quite near the front because the couple were close friends - just in time. And stood there, panting, sweating and dishevelled, in full black and studded biker leathers and huge metalled boots, with long hair untamed, oily smudges on our faces and flies between our teeth. We must have looked like Satan's little helpers. I think several older aunts fainted.

Couldn't help noticing that the groom was chuckling, though.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 14:27, 10 replies)

are you sure this is a real story
and not an 80s music video?
(leviticus no longer likes the cut of your gib on, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 14:29, closed)

It was some time ago - early 90s in fact.
But thankfully there's no video that I know of.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 14:37, closed)

And there's definitely not a video of it
where it's all in soft focus and you're riding away from the sunset, and it's all edited to the driving crescendos of a guitar based power ballad?

Sorry to ask, but sometimes it's good to check that I'm not trapped in some sort of vanilla sky scenario where my entire reality is being constructed out of memories of old deodorant commercials and 80s music videos.
(leviticus no longer likes the cut of your gib on, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 14:46, closed)

I refute the implied suggestion that we had poodle perms

(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:19, closed)

mullets?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:36, closed)

I think I could pull off a mullet
...if I wrapped it around my wrist and got good traction with my feet...
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:56, closed)

I'm hearing
Suddenly by Angry Anderson in my head now.
(Rimmer, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:46, closed)

STUDDED LEATHERS! HUGE METALLED BOOTS! FLIES IN YOUR TEETH!
not once in twenty-odd years of motorcycling have i ever had flies in my teeth. did you break down on the way, wipe your filthy hands on your faces and travel the remaining distance with your mouths wide open?
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:58, closed)

It was meant to be a reference to that old joke
"How do you tell a happy biker? Flies between his teeth."

I've certainly had flies in the mouth, and once a butterfly in the ear
...which I was convinced was a wasp, as I slewed to a halt and ripped off my helmet, expecting the stinging to begin at any moment.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 17:34, closed)

I thought it was an excellent story
Made me snigger like a loon.

Another biker here, got a fly up my visor a couple of weeks ago and was convinced it was something horrible by the way it was buzzing! Thankfully, I have flip front lid and just lifted the front as I was blasting along.

Clicky
( Rev. Jayneflakes Buy my book, I need the cash for drugs and hookers, Tue 6 Sep 2011, 10:58, closed)