Tenuous meetings with vaguely famous musicians
I'm in a band, right, and bands have to have websites if anyone's going to take them seriously nowadays (even though Myspace is pretty much only still going because some bemused old farts in the music business still think if a band doesn't have a Myspace page it isn't a real band...), and the trouble with that is you actually have to have some content to put on it. Which given that most musicians are dull boring buffoons who have no topic of conversation beyond sus chords and Floyd Rose bridges is a bit awkward.

Fortunately for us we discovered that four out of five of the band members were vaguely able to boast about having bumped into more famous musicians. So we promptly made up a whopper of a story for the fifth member, and put them all on the website as the band biography.

-- I used to work in a garden centre at weekends when I was in sixth form, and one day I sold a pear tree to Bryan Ferry. (What I didn't mention on the website that I had no idea who he was even, when I saw his gold credit card, until afterwards when one of the other cashiers went "Bloody hell, that was Bryan Ferry out of Roxy Music"; I thought that didn't reflect well on my musical chops and general alertness.)

-- The bassist went to school with the Libertines' bassist. Did they used to jam together? Talk about cutting edge white-label releases and indie mp3s? Exchange tips on fingering (oo-er) or pick style? Newp. They used to swap Doctor Who videos.

-- The other guitarist used to work at Waterloo, and once had to sort out getting punk poet Attila the Stockbroker onto the Eurostar when some foreign punk rock festival had booked his ticket in the name of Mr. The Stockbroker instead of his real one. Apparently, he succeeded. God alone knows how.

-- The keyboard player once found a lost wallet at a railway station which turned out to belong to Pete Murphy of Bauhaus. Mr Murphy did not send him a vast financial reward for handing it in. Thanks for nothing, Mr Murphy.

-- The drummer was out driving his horse and cart down a country lane one day when he found himself confronted by Jack Bruce driving a Jaguar. A horse and cart is not easily reversed, so our hero made Mr Bruce back his Jag all the way back down the lane for about half a mile till he came to a gateway he could pull into and let the horse past.

So, my little b3tard friends, one a-and only one of these stories is a lie. Can you tell which?
(Rise and Fall of the Atomic Cabbage Haven't you heard of suspension of disbelief?, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 22:31, 2 replies)

bass player

( Ya What Skiddlyboop, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 10:18, closed)

Ha!
Wrong, nyaah nyaah. That one was actually true and genuine. Apparently he's still got our bassist's copy of "Battlefield".
(Rise and Fall of the Atomic Cabbage Haven't you heard of suspension of disbelief?, Sun 23 Sep 2012, 1:27, closed)