pub managers.....
I used to work for a nationwide pub chain, in the callcentre that provided support for (almost) everything - pcs, EPoS systems, blocked toilets broken windows etc etc.

One manager wondered why she couldn't work her new pc. We found out she was pressing the mouse up against the screen. Upside down. She also wondered why she'd had to have a new (and such a large) coaster to put her brew on.


A regular converstion went like this:
Me: can you reboot the computer for me?
Manager: I can't. It's frozen.
Me: Turn the power off, count to ten and turn it back on. (yes i did say count to ten).
Manager: it's coming back on now.
Me: Good, what does it say?
Manager: Exactly the same as it did before....

Oh good you can turn the monitor off and on then. Usually, I could go on to talk them in the direction of the power switch except for the time that went;
Me: can you see your floppy disk drive? (they were all the same model)
Manager: Umm....Yeessss..
Me: See the button to the left of it?
Manager: Yyyyesssss...
Me: the far left, about an inch from the edge?
Manager: ah yes, I know the one you mean.
Me: OK. Press it. Tell me what happens.
Manager: OK............My disk has come out.

Another popular one.
Manager:I've got a power cut.
Me (experienced): What about your neighbours, do they have power or is it just you?
Manager: I don't know.. can you not just send somebody to look at it, I've got a bar full.
Me: I can if it's just your supply but if the street's out then you need to speak to whoever bills you.
Manager: This is stupid, it was a lot better when we could phone out engineers ourselves, mutter mutter.....
Right, it's the street, everything else is out as well.
Me: There you go then, ring your electric supplier to see when it'll be back on.
Manager: and what exactly am I supposed to do now? Can you just get it sorted for me? I've got a bar full here.. etc..etc. I'm not supposed to trade if I can't provide basic facilities...

The biscuit came with the call..
Manager: I've got a fire in the kitchen!!
Me: (no rush). OK, is it sorted out? What do you need me to do so that you can trade?
Manager: The kitchen's on fire!!!!
Me: still?
Manager: Yes!!
Me: have you rung the fire brigade?
Manager: Am I suppposed to? I thought you had to do it.
Me: Oh yes of course, then would you like to email your arse over to me then I can wipe it for you?

Sorry for it being so long I had to get that off my chest
(boukha, Fri 2 Jan 2004, 15:58, Reply)