Pigeons!
Hi,

I live at address removed, and the house is great, but for one small problem. Pigeons. They’re nesting on the chimney stack, and I can hear them in the morning, waking me up and depriving me of sleep! They’ve been bothering me for the best part of a month now, and it’s really starting to get to me. I’m slowly becoming convinced they’ve declared some kind of war against me- a columbid-based conspiracy, if you will. Please can you help me get rid of them before they peck away what shreds of sanity I have left?

Kind regards

jim_bob

As a post-script to this, the secretary of the local estate agents emailed me back advising to contact environmental health (outside of their remit). And suggested I may wish to borrow her son's wrist catapult.

The pigeons have since buggered off.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 11:30, 3 replies)

I don't think asking to borrow someone's son's "wrist catapult" is a good way to avoid
getting on the sex offender's register.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 11:38, closed)

Heh.
Her suggestion, not mine.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 11:43, closed)

If they come back
I think you've got 2 options:

1 - Get a few spiked strips to deter them from landing on the chimney.

2 - Buy a falcon.

Naturally, 2 it is.
( Rookie You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:06, closed)