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This is a question Complaining

I like writing letters of complaint to companies containing the words "premier league muppetry", if only to give the poor office workers a good laugh on an otherwise dull day. Have you ever complained? Did it work?

(, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 13:16)
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Mitch Herberg
Sadly departed :( But given the complaints about confectionery I think this line is worth posting:

The Kit-Kat candy bar has the name 'Kit-Kat' imprinted into the chocolate...that robs you of chocolate! That is a clever chocolate saving technique. I go down to the factory, "You owe me some letters!"
(, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 4:57, 1 reply)
Actualy, I wonder if I should....
Dear banks who say PIN Number on your ATMs,

as companies who deal solely with money I expect you to lead by example. Using text speak and displaying "Enter PIN Number" instead of just PIN is encouraging laziness and stupidity. I expect you to lead by example and put right those who are getting it wrong. Banks used to be great establishments, pillars in the world of economy. Now you want teenagers to use numbers instead of words, and for RAS Syndrome to thrive on every corner.

I'm very disappointed in you and be assured that if this continues, no matter how good your banking wares, I shall never be foolish enough to trust my hard earned cash in to your unattentive hands, lest you do something dreadfully silly with it.

Thank you very much,
A sleepy Vix0r who needs her bed and should not have stayed up so late to get grumpy. =D
(, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 2:23, 3 replies)
Now I'm pissed off...
So I wrote this post: b3ta.com/questions/complaintsdesk/post851020 about me being so proud I bought a KitKat Chunky which was all chocolate for about 35p and got a cheque back for 2 quid. Three times!

Then, I see this post: b3ta.com/questions/complaintsdesk/post854467 where the poster's missus got 35 quid!

I have decided to write this letter to Nestle - click 'I like this' if you think I should post it...

Dear Sir/Madam,

I would like to take this opportunity to complain to you about your customer service procedures. Three times during my life I have had to complain to your company for what is, essentially, sub-standard confectionery, namely a kit kat chunky that lacked the biscuit - or 'wafer' - element. I did so in a very polite manner which was more of a 'quiet word' and not so much of a complaint. For my efforts I was rewarded with a cheque to the value of 2 pounds sterling. Each of the three times this happened I was rewarded with 2 pounds for which I was very grateful.

I would like to add that one of the cheques was never even cashed, as I'll admit this was before I had a bank account and by the time I opened one the 6 month's guarantee of the cheque had expired. I didn't even contact you to reclaim my funds, I just let it slide.

Imagine my horror when I hear a tale of another of your customers who complained about having a solid regular kit kat and wrote a letter, complete with artistic rendition of a sad pony, who received a cheque for 35 pounds!

I would like to know whether it was my politeness that was my folly, or the lack of illustration. Or whether you favour consumers of regular kit kats over the chunky preferrer? Whatever the answer may be, I find this highly unacceptable and I therefore request you forward me the funds I demand you owe. I have checked the inflation rate for the period of 2001 - 2010 (as this is when my unfortunate incident occurred), and realise you are indebted to me in the amount of
3148.17 GBP. I have achieved this figure using the following equation:

35 x (the amount you gave to the 'pony artist')
3 (the amount of times I complained, as mentioned above)
105 -
4 (the 4 pounds deducted being those already deposited)
101 x
31.17 (the current inflation rate between June 1999 (I remember it was June because it was sunny when I was eating it) and August 2010. Inflation rate calculated at inflationdata.com/Inflation/Inflation_Calculators/Inflation_Rate_Calculator.asp )

Since I moved to the USA in 2006, I would like you to convert this figure into US Dollars, as per the exchange rate of my migration (mainly because the pound was a little bit higher then).

3148.17 x
1.8239805984 (the exchange rate as of June 27th, 2006 - I remember this because it was my brother's birthday the day we left)
5742.20 USD.

I ask that you please forward the amount to me within a respectable 30 days, and all matters will be concluded. If you should turn over this page you will see a hand drawn picture of a VERY sad pony, should this actually be the deciding factor in obtaining refunds of which I am unaware. I don't want to take that chance.

I look forward to receiving your check ('check' spelled in the US way due to my current location) from either Nestle UK or US, it makes no difference to me.

Yours Faithfully,

Mr Lew.

Do you think it will work??
(, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 1:14, 9 replies)
Sadly not my own work...
I remember this being referred to as the 'Times letter of the year' for 2007 (if memory serves) in one of those e-mails that does the rounds - though whether or not anyone working at or for The Times has ever clapped eyes on it is another matter entirely.

The story goes that this was a letter sent into a bank by an elderly lady who is/was a customer of theirs (supposedly 98 years old) and the manager or someone else working in the branch was so taken with it that they removed any personal/identifying information and sent it in.

Anyway, whether it was real or not it's definitely worth a read but since it's a little on the long side, I think I shall leave it in the replies...
(, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 0:29, 4 replies)
My sister
She's allergic to shellfish, this is important. A while back she was having problems going to the bathroom, mainly peeing. Then her back started hurting. She figured it was a kidney problem of some sort. Trip to ER, or A&E to you Britons(joke), and they say they need to scan her CAT. Well, there's a dye the use for these apparently. Or iodine or something, idk.
My sister balloons up, she went from tiny to Kirstie Alley in mere minutes. Much scrambling of doctors and such, she goes straight into ccu. My mom knew it was bad when they asked if Emily, my sister, was an organ donor.
This is the hospitals fault right? They knew the allergy existed, just didn't act on it. When my sister got better, speedily I might add, did she complain? No, mistakes happen, she said. I'm alive and that's all that matters. Happy ending.

But where's the complaint? When she did her pufferfish impression, they had to cut off her pyjamas, her Elmo pj pants. She demanded satisfaction. It took the hospital staff 2 weeks to find the exact same pair like she had, all because she threatened to sue otherwise.
(, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 0:16, 3 replies)
dear cat
re: our sleeping arrangement

my letter concerns our current sleeping arrangement. as you may well know, the bed is a 3/4 size bed but as i am only 5"7 and weight 120 pounds and you are probably about 2"0 and 10 pounds (guesses, i doubt you'd let me measure you), there is more than adequate space for the both of us. be that as it may, you have chosen to occupy a particularly uncomfortable place on the bed - that would be my chest. on several occasions, i have attempted to remove you and you have expressed your displeasure by jumping off the bed and scuttling around (loudly i might add) in the storage space underneath.

either kindly find another place on the bed or return to the yard. i would like to remind you that i am the one paying £300 per month for the room, not you.

yours sincerely
(, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 0:07, 5 replies)
I once collected my slides from the camera shop
and took them to the dentist, where I was expecting a filling or two.

My plan was to calm my dreadful nerves by looking at colourful slides of my gorgeous children. However, the box actually contained 12 slides each of two garden fountains, one in a pond and one wall-mounted. I suspect they were meant for Stapeley Water Gardens.

The irony gave me the giggles and I felt much less nervous!

Returned the slides afterwards and tried to explain, still laughing and now drooling with a frozen face. Took a while as the assistant couldn't understand a word.

You just don't get that level of entertainment with digital photography.
(, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 23:19, Reply)
Complainings for Whiners
There's no deserve in life! A man make his own way!

(, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 22:34, 2 replies)
Back when I was 13/14, my cousins, close friends and I used to have the amazing ability to memorize 0800 numbers from practically any source. Be it tv ad, radio or newspaper; we'd remember it and discuss it amongst our group on the way to the park to play footy.

Now, this sounds a lot like prank calling, but more often than not, we'd ring company X from the phonebox and find something to complain about. Usually netting us some freebies.

I was usually very bad at the actual calls and struggle not to laugh, but I was decent at coming up with ideas for content.

Calls that I can remember:
Ringing Whiskas Cat Food and telling them their product had made our emu sick. (They sent us some of those cat-food pouches and loads of vouchers. Kinda missing the point of the call.)

Ringing some insurance company (whose number sounded like an owl, 282820 or something) and telling them their ad was scaring our "mentally challenged" younger brother. (Whilst in the background my cousin would scream his fear of said owl whilst repeating the phone number very loudly in his best crazy-voice.) They sent us a letter of apology.

Ringing BT from a phonebox that had it's door missing and saying things like "For shame BT! We expect this kind of behaviour from other companies but not BRITISH Telecom! Lordy-lord!". We insisted that the lack of door was confusing the locals.
Us: "Yeah it looks like the door was smashed off by a... "
One of us pretending to be a very-loud passer-by who had now joined us in the phonebox: "Oh hey man, are you using this? How long will you be? Didn't this thing used to have a door? Have you got change of a £1?" etc etc.
BT promptly fixed the door and sent my mate a thank you letter for reporting the door problem. He rung them back to report a typo in the letter.

But the call that eventually stopped us (we also grew-up and matured... mostly) was when we rung Coca Cola and INSISTED that the Diet Coke bottle we'd purchased, tasted exactly like (dum dum dum!) regular Coke!
The woman on the other end believed us instantly and identified that the mix-up "could be a danger to diabetics everywhere!" We hadn't thought of that, we just wanted a free coke or two! So they took the details of the caller and sent him various boxes. In these boxes were detailed instructions regarding returning the rogue Diet Coke bottle "so tests and inspections could be carried out" and all sorts of safety leaflets. We panicked, thinking someone would be running checks and we could potentially cost someone their job, binned everything and hoped the problem would go away. Luckily it did.

Long-story-short; we were easily amused idiots.... but even to this day, whenever I see a "Not Satisfied? Call Us On 0800 etc etc" I grin and let my immaturity ponder what I'd say if I was 13 again and wanted a free Kitkat.
(, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 22:25, 2 replies)
After a branch of Sturdy Foot Attire the Chemist mucked up processing my pre digital age disposable camera holiday snaps I asked to see the Manager.

The last 3 photos were just after my hol when I took a few pics of a violent road rage incident in a big traffic jam (bloke got punched in the face through his closed window for starters,then it got really violent). There were loads of witnesses to this, and when I told the constable plod that I had some photographic evidence he was delighted but suggested I get it processed and drop the pics into the local nick as he doubted I'd ever see the holiday snaps again if he took them.

Nowadays you teenagers would just point your phone at them and make a jaypeg to upload on a moving picture station or something.

The manager went a kind of pastel green colour when I told her that as I'd told their processor assistant that the film wasn't finished so they neededed to take a bit of extra care when sticking it in their machine (and had gone on to make the photo lady write this all down on the huge envelope) that I would humbly suggest she gets onto her firm's lawyers to assess their position on destroying police evidence and might also like to consider awarding me some compensation for the loss of my memories (I'd been VERY drunk the las few days of my hols and was relying on them pics to piece it all together).

I was really seething but said all this very slowly and quietly.

20 mins later the Manager came back, read a carefully and beautifully scripted apology on behalf of the firm then proceeded to offer to get their legal bods to write to the police explaining why they weren't getting the pics and then said "erm, take anything you like from our store as a sign of goodwill".

So I went and picked up a £250 "Spa Experience" with a free bathrobe, made sure I got a receipt then went straight to another branch and got a cash refund.

Length? 18 months and I hope he got bum-raped on a regular basis.
(, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 21:47, 1 reply)
A few years ago I received a statutory fine for non completion of my tax return. It was true, I hadn't filled it in, but then I don't have to, as I'm a teacher, and the Local Authority deal with all that guff for us.

Wrote to the taxman, who briefly and politely said, "tough titty, pay up or else it'll cost you more!" (n.b. this may not be the exact wording of the letter.) Wrote again. Told in no uncertain terms to pay up. Spoke to the Authority payroll people who said, "don't know what your on about, everything in order our end, pay up and challenge it.

So I did.

A few weeks later I got a letter back indicating that the aforementioned hardened mammary situation still stood.

At this point I wrote to my MP, a well known Lincolnshire Tory hang 'em/flog'em type, listing my grievances, point by point, expecting to get the standard non commital letter in return.

But no! He took the letter to the Chief of Treasury, who investigated, and had my hundred quid back to me in under two weeks.


(Mind you, the MP's still a supercilious Tory tw@t of the first order, but in my book he's now MISTER supercillious tw@t!)
(, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 20:49, 1 reply)
You want to complain.......
Look at these shoes only had them six weeks and the soles are worn right through.

I remembered!
(, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 20:23, 2 replies)
Excuse me but.......
is this the right room for complaints (actually I think my memories are failing argument first complaint second)

(, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 20:17, 6 replies)
Stranger's Spit
I asked for a half at a bar recently (NOT girlie, I was driving) and the barman proceeded to let some of England's flattest, rankest cider dribble into a glass like an Olympic marathon runner's post-competition drug testing sample. It took about 5 minutes to get half way up the glass while I looked on, incredulous.

"Hmmm" says he, and tried another glass, like that was the problem. I've never worked behind a bar but I reckon most people would assume, as I did, that the barrel needed changing. No, not this guy. He half filled another half pint glass very slowly and presented both glasses to me.

The look on my face must have told him something, but clearly what it told him was different to what I was thinking (stupid face). He picked one glass up and took a sip then plonked it back down on the bar. "There you go, it's fine, just a bit flat."

Me: "Well, I don't want that one, for starters!" I said.
Him: "Why not?"
Me: "You just drank out of it."
Him: "So? I'm clean." He managed to look offended at this point, as if his enzymes were crafted from the finest cocoa rich chocolate with a taste to equal ambrosia (the god stuff, not the rice pudding) "OK, You can have it for free."

Like that's what I was after.

WTF? He looked shocked when I walked off, like he couldn't understand how I could turn down a free drink.
Mind you, I was tempted.
(, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 18:32, 10 replies)
Domin-woes pizza :(
I am in two minds to complain to Dominos Pizza about a delivery I had last week....it sounds too daft to be true....

Ordered two pizzas last week for me and wifey poos...

As usual delivery bloke cant find us....we live at Lip Up Fatty Place, he is as Lip Up Fatty Road, so after he hands the phone to the woman standing in the door of 3 Lip Up Fatty Road I tell her where we live...which is just along the road, round the corner and 100 meters further up.

So 5 minutes pass, get another call from him, he's at Lip Up Fatty Park which is round the corner from Lip Up Fatty Road....he hasnt driven up the road....so I tell him he needs to drive up the road where he will see a fat bloke starving to death (i'm exaggerating a bit there btw!)

So he finally turns up...looks at me...and then tells me 'he has forgotten something' so off he drives....i'm getting a bid fed up now...

I get a phone call from some chap...

he says "Did you order some pizzas?"

"Yes" I reply

"Well I dont think you will want them now" he says

"Why" I reply

"The delivery driver put the bag on the boot of his car then got back in his car and drove off! he left the pizzas lying in the road, oh better go now mate he's coming back!"

I thank him and by now the wife has come out to forage for wild animals and insects due to hunger....I tells her what happened then the delivery driver turns up.

End result one squashed pizza for me but the wifes is okay...

It sounds like something from a sketch show...

Would Dominos believe me?

Would anyone believe me?
(, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 18:27, 7 replies)
Several years ago I was on the receiving end of a quality complaint too
I lady who wrote a letter to the aquariums head office because I’d refused (politely) to sell her a Diodon Holocanthus (Spiny marine porcupine/pufferfish) for her freshwater aquarium.

The same woman (a few months before) also wanted me to pop around to her house and check the tank was in working order, this I did and found that her tank was ‘at least’ 4 times over stocked, as a responsible aquarium retailer we tried to keep an eye on the regulars and remember what sort of fish they kept and advised them otherwise if they could face problems. What this woman was doing was visiting every shop in the area and buying fish off them all, so no one had a clue what was in her tank until I visited. I bagged up all the incompatible ones and paid her out of my own pocket for them. I also made sure I called all the local shops and warned them about her.
(, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 16:29, 16 replies)
I'm currently in a quandary....
I'm absolutely rubbish at complaining. I am afflicted with that stereotypically british attitude that you just put up with things if they go wrong, no matter how inconvenient it may be. I don't consciously think that way, but when it comes to complaining I somehow manage to talk myself out of it most of the time. I've put up with bad treatment at work for ages until I exploded with rage at my boss, let an ex run "us" thousands of pounds into credit card debt (which she then took great glee in blaming on me despite exactly 5 american dollars being my actual bill) and often get caught for what seems like aeons doing market surveys or listening to some new offer from my insurance company, rather than just saying "No, thank you" like a normal person (in fact, I once pretended to be searching for a bank statement for over 10 minutes rather than tell the phone monkey I wasn't interested). But for the past few weeks, I've steadily been gearing up to complain.

I want to telephone sony and complain about my playstation 3. I searched their website for hours before finally finding an email address, but their reply was simply "phone us", so I have no choice.

The bloody thing keeps freezing. I only bought it as a replacement for my original ps3, which died last year of the yellow light of death (I didn't even attempt to complain about that, I merely grimaced, payed £100 for a failed repair attempt then bought another). Now, it doesn't freeze all the time, but I can't play fallout at all, I can't play Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 online at all, and it freezes a lot whenever I use the internet on it. It's also frozen a couple of times during other games.

It's still in warranty, but I've lost both the box and the warranty documents thanks to some over-zealous tidying. I do, however, have a receipt from amazon proving it was purchased less than a year ago.

I don't know if, somewhere deep in my brain, I imagine my old primary one teacher answering the phone and giving me a terrifyingly loud bollocking for being so stupid. "Well, if those games don't work you'll have to just not play them" she'll say, and I'll feel like a tit.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to. Tomorrow.
(, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 14:29, 18 replies)
Dear Bladder
I wrote a complaint letter to my bladder recently it went as such:-

Dear Bladder

You and I have been in partnership for a number of years and although initially your work was on time and regular I am finding that lately things have been slipping.

For example, I required your services yesterday and although the output was flowing, it was not complete. Just when I thought you had given me everything and the paperwork was finished, you decided to add just a little bit more. Have you any idea of the embarrassment that you caused me!? This kind of behaviour seems to be happening more often than not and is completely unacceptable. When I ask you to do your job I expect it done in full without extensions of any sort.

Hopefully moving forward this will prevent us being caught short and prevent the frequent usage of pants. I have considered outsourcing some help in the form of Tena Lady however I think if we agree to work more together we could prevent this.

Yours truly


Bladders response – Piss off.
(, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 14:15, 5 replies)
the demise of connaught has reminded me
of the time i had to make a very odd complaint.

about 8 years ago, i lived in a high rise block.
one morning, i was awakened by the sound of drilling outside my front door. i rose and staggered to open the door. the workman outside was astonished to see me, but not as astonished as i was to see him in the process of fitting a secure metal door(known locally as tinning up) over my ordinary front door. of course, i asked him what the hell was going on. he informed me that he worked for the council and had been given the job of tinning up my flat, as nobody lived there.
i was perturbed, nay, positively angered by this. i'm not normally so impolite to workmen, but i felt the need to tell him to fuck off at that point.
staggering blearily into the living room, i immediately phoned the council to see what the fuck they were playing at.
well, it seems that, as they'd knocked at my door twice to check the plumbing and got no reply, they'd decided in their infinite wisdom that i'd moved out. no need to telephone or send a letter, obviously. nobody goes out more than once in a week, do they?
i think it was obvious to them that i was rather pissed off by this turn of events, but it didn't stop them from trying to do it again a week later.
fucking idiots.
(, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 14:10, 12 replies)
Worlds fastest barman
About three months ago myself and two friends were having a few drinks in a pub near our place of work, I wont mention the name of the pub because apart from this instance the staff had always been good.

Its my round, I go to the bar and ask for a pint of Guinness and two largers, barman starts on the guinness then grabs a couple of glasses half filled with some beer and starts topping them up. I ask if I can have fresh pints and am told by the barman that these are fresh "only pulled them a minute ago" I respond by again politely asking for fresh drinks, I didn't mention that the "just pulled" beer was clearly old.

The barman starts slamming stuff around behind the bar and muttering while pouring two of the frothiest pints I have ever seen, really was half liquid half head. He slams all three drinks down in front of me and goes to the till, he drops my change in front of me shouts "your welcome" and stomps off.

I wait at the bar not saying anything, barman seems to have a problem with this so he comes over and asks me what I want. My response was to say that I would like the drinks topped up as the head had died down and they were half empty.

Barman goes into a low level rage and turns a strange shade of purple, he then proceeds to pour all three pints down the sink and start on fresh ones. We left after those drinks and have not been back since.

As a result of this we didn't want to go back to the same pub so tried one further down the road, its quite good, and now all the people from work walk by the old place and spend their money in the new venue.

Cost to me of complaining - about two minutes extra walk. cost to the pub of barman being a twat - about twenty lunches and fifty pints a week (thats not just me drinking all the booze btw).
(, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 13:57, 1 reply)
Halifax Bank is an abhorrent institution
They changed their overdraft charges so we'd end up paying double per month. I told them that we didn't agree to the changes but they carried on charging us anyway. Luckily we jumped ship and went elsewhere and now we get regular reminders that they think we owe them more cash than we actually do plus occasionally one printed in red. Here's my reply to the most recent:

Thank you for I received your letter dated 6th September 2010, pushed through my door by a surprisingly cheerful postman. You commence your letter with:

Pay £xxx now

Followed by an invitation to help you earn yet more of my cash by calling your 0845 number. I make a point of not calling 0845 numbers. It inevitably works out cheaper to write letters given how long I often end up on hold.

As you removed the overdraft facility as detailed in a letter dated 30th April 2010, our 'arranged overdraft' is technically £0.00. This being the case, your statement that we are over our arranged overdraft limit by £xxx suits me fine. This is quite pleasing as I thought we owed just short of £LOTS, not allowing for the thoroughly bizarre charging regime you are attempting to force upon us. You know, the one that we didn't agree to in five (5) separate letters. I'll say it again; "we don't agree to your new charging regime, and never did"

and here it is again in red.

"We don't agree to your new charging regime, and never did"

Short of hiring a small plane and sky-writing it in red smoke accompanied by a small orchestra and fireworks I cannot think of any other way to get you to take notice. I'll make the offer to repay it again. You calculate how much is owed using the old interest rates that we agreed to and we'll pay £10 per week plus more if we can spare it. I'll enclose a cheque to sweeten the deal. You can't say fairer than that.

(, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 13:28, 11 replies)
Oh no... the Sky one reminded me...
They were cabling (sp?) the street and I decided to get on board.

Now, I hate trailing cables and will do anything to keep them out of sight and tidy. So I asked that they leave me some cable and I would fit so that all they needed to do was connect it up outside.

As a complexity, the ex used to love changing the room layout depending on Summer or Winter, so the point of connection would be in either of two places.
Duly, I took up floor boards, ran the cables, chisled the walls, fitted the back boxes, plastered the walls and fitted female front plates for a simple co-axial connection.

On the appointed day they turned up to give me the kit and connect me up.
The Sky monkey said... sorry you have two points and will therefore need two boxes.
I repeated the explanation that I had given the sales bod and said I did not want two boxes in the same room.
He insisted that I have two boxes.
my final words were... "In that case, you can take your equipment and men and get off my property now."
They left.
The whole conversation took less than 5 minutes.

I may not have Sky, but I felt morally strong about it.

(I've just realised that when I read most of the posts that I have done something quite similar... Not only am I a reincarnation of Victor Meldrew, but I have been a Meldrew for most of my life - I'm much humbled now)
(, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 13:12, 4 replies)
Here's one about the taxman...
Many many moons ago, the company I worked for that made commercial and farming vehicles in the Lothian region of Scotland made a mistake with the payroll which meant that we had to write to the taxman using a template letter provided and request a review of our tax deductions...

Being young and a smart arse, my letter went something along the lines of...
"Yadda yadda yadda.... and because I believe that the Chancellor of the Exchequer is doing to me what he should be doing to his wife, I request that a review be carried out"

I was the only one that didn't get an acknowledgement or a rebate.

The moral of the story is don't fuck with the big fella if he already has your money.

(Ok... the line isn't original)
(, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 12:49, 1 reply)
No complaints about the taxman today.
I bet I'm not the only one.
(, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 12:38, Reply)
Complain to teh interweb . . .
rate your doc

I'm not on here, but a couple of former bosses reeeeeally pissed their patients off it seems . . .
(, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 11:48, 2 replies)
Complaint about the misuse of the term 'Passive-aggressive'
It has appeared repeatedly in this QOTW and you've almost all misused it. Let me explain how.

(, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 11:40, 4 replies)
Sky were being bastards.
Didn't turn up to install my free Sky+ box, over-charged, made me ring around... gah.

Anywho, I found the email address for Jeremy Darroch, the MD or somesuch. I sent a funny but hearfelt complaint letter (which if emailed around, would have caused much amusement).

Less than an hour later I had a grovelling apology, compensation and my issue sorted - and a promise from his PA that I could contact her directly with any issues I had in the future.

From then on, with even the smallest issue with Sky, one phonecall or email and it was sorted. I was living in the land of assisted showers. Oh yeah.

Then I moved to BT.

(, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 11:33, 6 replies)
Dear boss,
There are seven of us in this bunch you call a team. Five of us usually approach our work with a "do it once, and do it right" attitude, and generally do what we can to keep the client happy. But two of the group sit on their lazy arses all day long, never bothering to pay attention to any instruction or information, refusing to learn anything new, and expend more effort dodging work than they'd expend doing the work they so assiduously avoid.

So the rest of us have complained. We've pointed out the discrepancy between our work and theirs, and their evident inability or unwillingness to do the job they're paid to do, but have you done anything about it?

Have you, fuck. Instead, you'd rather piss and moan at the five of us about our poor attitude, preferring to keep a pair of workshy scroungers on the books than do something remotely resembling actual management.

There's only one thing the five of us would like to know: just what blackmail material have the other two got on you, that you'd go to great lengths to keep them in clover instead of disciplining and sacking them?

(, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 11:30, 4 replies)
*not really funny, intersting or clever but im bored* A long time ago after I graduated I had to move back home,
I spent the next 6 months as an unemployed graduate, spending my days looking for jobs and playing world of warcraft (it passed the time). Anyway after a few weeks the internet stopped working. I panicked an rang BT, after all they were the ISP my borther had set up broadband with a long time ago.

On the phone I got some woman in an Indian call centre, who spoke very good English. I explained to her the situation about the net failing, how it was my brothers connection years ago and how he had moved out and I had taken over the billing. I gave the account number etc, even answered my bro's secret question, date of birth etc and after chatting to her supervisor they agreed I was related and sorted my problem out. Internet was working again, yay! I would like to say I went straight online looking for a job but I ended up playing more WoW.

So about 3 weeks later the net goes dead again, I ring the same number and get the jobsworth tech guy.

"reset your router, reset your PC blah blah" he went on, not listening to my pleas of "this happened before, it's on your end etc"

Anyway, I asked for his supervisor and the guy could barely string a sentence together so after an hour of not getting anywhere I hang up and ring the BT internet sales line. I do this because they:

a) Answer calls quickly so you are not put off
b) They are in UK call centres, again so you are not put off

I get a lovely woman from Ireland who listens to my problem and why I am ringing her department and she completely sympathises and puts me through to a rather nice chap on tech support in a call centre in Belfast.

"Problem is mate, we don't show your house as connected with an active account" says he

So we debate a bit longer and I tell him the history of the broadband connection and he finally locates the BT signal on our phone line (cant remember the actual name but it's a coded signal place holder which says who is operating ADSL on that phone line).

"Well, if you have this marker on the line then you obviously do have broadband, I'll re-activate it now for ya, so i will like"

HURRAH says I, I have teh Internets. 4 weeks go by and again, i'm cut off. This time i write a rather strongly worded letter expressing my disappointment at BT after all these years of great broadband internets when my eldest brother pops home to visit:

"What's this about you complaining to BT about the broadband?"

I explain the situation as detailed above:

"You know since I set that up, they haven't billed me for it once. Not one bill, and that was 5 years ago, it's been free all this time. I think they just realised it and switched it off. I'm betting your letter will be sent back with about 5 years worth of bills for £25 a month"

"Oh Balls" says I

And without sending the letter he was indeed correct, they started making inquiries about the connection. I had to switch tactics and started complaining about them wanting money for a connection that never existed.

"Show me the contract and I will happily take your request under advisement"

They never were able to show any evidence, but every now and again they send me a letter about re-instating my broadband connection, and I dare not in case I get years worth of bills in the post :(

Not that interesting or but I did warn you at the start
(, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 11:07, 1 reply)

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