The B3TA Confessional
With the Pope about to visit the UK, what better time to unburden yourself of anything that's weighing on your mind by posting it on the internet? Pay particular attention to the Seven Deadly Sins of lust, greed, envy, pride, posting puns on the QOTW board and the other ones. Top story gets to kneel before His Holiness's noodly appendage, or something
( , Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:47)
With the Pope about to visit the UK, what better time to unburden yourself of anything that's weighing on your mind by posting it on the internet? Pay particular attention to the Seven Deadly Sins of lust, greed, envy, pride, posting puns on the QOTW board and the other ones. Top story gets to kneel before His Holiness's noodly appendage, or something
( , Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:47)
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Chickenlady's Seven Deadly Sins #1 LUST
This is also going to cover #4 SLOTH as it's an old, old pearoast but I'm guessing that as it dates back a couple of years or more there will be plenty of people who haven't seen it....
Sometime A few years ago I went on a date with a very nice chap. It was our first date...although we had known one another for a short while and had become good friends. We went for a meal in a country pub...where I had three glasses of wine...those of you who know me will know that three glasses are my limit.
So, just before we're leaving I get up to go to the loo. He asks why I agreed to go on a date with him...as I stand up and walk away (swaying slightly in my high heels) I whisper in his ear, "Because you're hot"
Of course I think this is just the sexiest thing possible I can say even if it is slightly slurred...and off I stagger to the loo.
We get in his car and drive down the road...we come to a t-junction and he turns to me and says..."Your place or mine?" Yes, sometimes clichés do work! I started to laugh, mainly because I didn't think anyone ever really said this. However, being the lady I am I declined to go back to his place - first date and all that. It was better if he just dropped me home. Keep to the third date rule!
See - I'm not desperate...
Then the wine kicked in, big time.
Inhibitions swept away...him looking at me with those big brown eyes and cheeky grin. My skirt seemed to be sliding higher and higher. Before I know it I'm running my tongue over my fingertip, sucking it and then trailing it down my collarbone...my breathing ragged.
Calm down at the back there
"No, turn right here..then left...and pull into the woods"
He drives in...stops the car in the corner of the car park and in the blink of an eye we're on each other like ravenous woodland creatures - badgers maybe, or perhaps foxes, not hedgehogs though.
Shirt buttons popping, hair pulling, hands roughly exploring, delicate lacy underwear quickly discarded and one of the most hot first dates I'd ever had. DISCLAIMER : up until then - of course there has been a better once since then. Ahem.
So we're going at it like a train, but in a car of course. All the grunts and oohs and aahs and sweat and goodness me, is it hot in here?
Until.... while sitting astride him I managed to slam my bare arse into the car horn.
We start giggling....
Then we notice the other cars in the woodland car park.
The other cars are flashing their headlights at us.
We are still for a few moments...the lights go off and we decide to continue...so desperate are we both to finish.
The point of no return arrives...Headlights appear again on full beam lighting us both up in all our frenzied glory.
Then darkness and the sound of cars being driven away.
Safe.
He gets out of the car to 'adjust' his clothing ....the interior light comes on and is matched by another one in a car only a few feet away....
"Want some help mate?"
And at that moment my entire life flashed before me....
I knew the voice....and it wasn't that of my date.
I had spoken to him once or twice on the phone and plenty of times in the pub...where he's the barman.
I don't go in there anymore.
( , Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:14, 2 replies)
This is also going to cover #4 SLOTH as it's an old, old pearoast but I'm guessing that as it dates back a couple of years or more there will be plenty of people who haven't seen it....
So, just before we're leaving I get up to go to the loo. He asks why I agreed to go on a date with him...as I stand up and walk away (swaying slightly in my high heels) I whisper in his ear, "Because you're hot"
Of course I think this is just the sexiest thing possible I can say even if it is slightly slurred...and off I stagger to the loo.
We get in his car and drive down the road...we come to a t-junction and he turns to me and says..."Your place or mine?" Yes, sometimes clichés do work! I started to laugh, mainly because I didn't think anyone ever really said this. However, being the lady I am I declined to go back to his place - first date and all that. It was better if he just dropped me home. Keep to the third date rule!
See - I'm not desperate...
Then the wine kicked in, big time.
Inhibitions swept away...him looking at me with those big brown eyes and cheeky grin. My skirt seemed to be sliding higher and higher. Before I know it I'm running my tongue over my fingertip, sucking it and then trailing it down my collarbone...my breathing ragged.
Calm down at the back there
"No, turn right here..then left...and pull into the woods"
He drives in...stops the car in the corner of the car park and in the blink of an eye we're on each other like ravenous woodland creatures - badgers maybe, or perhaps foxes, not hedgehogs though.
Shirt buttons popping, hair pulling, hands roughly exploring, delicate lacy underwear quickly discarded and one of the most hot first dates I'd ever had. DISCLAIMER : up until then - of course there has been a better once since then. Ahem.
So we're going at it like a train, but in a car of course. All the grunts and oohs and aahs and sweat and goodness me, is it hot in here?
Until.... while sitting astride him I managed to slam my bare arse into the car horn.
We start giggling....
Then we notice the other cars in the woodland car park.
The other cars are flashing their headlights at us.
We are still for a few moments...the lights go off and we decide to continue...so desperate are we both to finish.
The point of no return arrives...Headlights appear again on full beam lighting us both up in all our frenzied glory.
Then darkness and the sound of cars being driven away.
Safe.
He gets out of the car to 'adjust' his clothing ....the interior light comes on and is matched by another one in a car only a few feet away....
"Want some help mate?"
And at that moment my entire life flashed before me....
I knew the voice....and it wasn't that of my date.
I had spoken to him once or twice on the phone and plenty of times in the pub...where he's the barman.
I don't go in there anymore.
( , Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:14, 2 replies)
Never
be ashamed. You should have just told him to fuck off or pour another pint. At least you were someone's sweet dreams for a while, so more like a two for one deal on the lustful sin.
( , Fri 27 Aug 2010, 5:37, closed)
be ashamed. You should have just told him to fuck off or pour another pint. At least you were someone's sweet dreams for a while, so more like a two for one deal on the lustful sin.
( , Fri 27 Aug 2010, 5:37, closed)
Didn't you go off him
...when you discovered he was wearing delicate lacy underwear?
( , Tue 31 Aug 2010, 16:43, closed)
...when you discovered he was wearing delicate lacy underwear?
( , Tue 31 Aug 2010, 16:43, closed)
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