After a dull lecture
a few of us decided to grab a drink. One of the chaps on my course, Ryan, was a local lad and he suggested going to a boozer just outside of town.

Four us decided to join him and we stood propping up the bar loudly chatting student bollocks. After a couple of pints and old, dirty looking man came stumbling over from the depths of the pub. He looked us up and down and then stared directly at Ryan for what seemed like ages. Finally he spoke.

'I fucked your mother last night.' He stammered at poor Ryan. 'I fucked her good and proper, I fucking love your mother I do.'

Ryan didn't say anything, he just shifted his gaze and stared awkwardly at his shoes, the rest of us also stunned into silence.

'Your mother is the best fucking woman in the world,' the old man slurred, 'the best fucking shag I've ever had, I fucking love that old bird.'

Slowly Ryan stood up, he put his arm round the old man's shoulder and began to usher him away from the bar.

'Alright Dad,' said Ryan, 'I think you've had enough. Come on, I'll walk you home, Mum will be wondering where you are'.

And with that he slowly escorted the old man out he pub.

Fucking Northerners.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:18, 14 replies)

Fucking northerners
Indeed. "You've have had enough" - thick as shit, the lot of them.
(MattDP (Squiggle), Fri 13 May 2011, 14:22, closed)

Thanks for the proof read...all sorted now.

( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:25, closed)

This is what happens when you cut and paste your stories from the CV's you've ben reading.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:38, closed)

Let it go, man ...
Let it go.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:44, closed)

No way man, he might post another old photo of me and the missus that we'd quite like to see.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:45, closed)

^ yes please
I could do with another good laugh
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:54, closed)

I saved the last picture he posted to my hard drive.
It was really nice one that we thought we'd lost.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sun 15 May 2011, 11:16, closed)

Hmmm. What was that about?
was it like an "I know where you live" kind of thing?
( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Fri 13 May 2011, 16:49, closed)

He probably already knows where I live, I've emailed my CV to people before.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sun 15 May 2011, 11:16, closed)

Do you have some kind of special alarm...
one that alerts you each time I post - and reminds you to cut and paste the same reply each and every time?
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:49, closed)

That joke's older than I am.
And I'm fucking ANCIENT.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 13 May 2011, 14:38, closed)

I have the Euro Millions numbers for tonight - jackpot £107,000,000
18, 19, 35, 37, 48 lucky stars 1, 11
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 13 May 2011, 14:56, closed)

^
fucking hell, this is scraping the bottom of the Ark
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 13 May 2011, 15:39, closed)

I seem to remember SpankyHanky telling this tale as one of his terribly funny, well written true stories.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 13 May 2011, 17:42, closed)

Did it end up up with him having sex with someone?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sun 15 May 2011, 11:16, closed)