I'll just roast this pea, as it seems to fit.
The scene is a dingy basement club in Edinburgh.

A while ago, I tried to chat up a lovely-looking Turkish girl on a sticky and murky dancefloor, a task made at once easier and infinitely more difficult by the fact that I was pissed as a bastard and in no fit state to be out in public. To her credit she dealt my drunken advances fairly patiently, up until I pulled my trump card: an absolutely ripe one that smelled like the aftermath of a mighty battle between cabbages and eggs.

I couldn't really hide that I had just stenched the house down, but by God my alcohol-raddled brain thought it had just the plan. She provided me with the perfect opening when she asked "did you just fart?". Aha! thought I. There's room for doubt! It all depends on my next line!

"I thought that was you."

Needless to say, she didn't go near me for the rest of the night. I had the last laugh though, as I cracked one out when I got home that night and managed to avoid weeping.
(StapMyVitals wouldn't mind a bit of that, Sun 15 May 2011, 14:22, 4 replies)

Opal Lounge
Or Shanghai?
( MatJ LOOK, Sun 15 May 2011, 18:01, closed)

I'm glad you credit me with such wealth and refinement,
but it was Sneaky Pete's.
(StapMyVitals wouldn't mind a bit of that, Sun 15 May 2011, 23:44, closed)

Wealth and refinement?
I haven't been to Shanghai since someone really and truly shit themselves last time I was there. I have never been to sneaky pete's but if it's worse, I'm glad of that.
( MatJ LOOK, Wed 18 May 2011, 1:51, closed)

No weeping?
Result!
(Vigilante Man weeps because you're stupid., Sun 15 May 2011, 22:18, closed)