First!
Winnar!

I gots nothing to say though. Tits.

EDIT:

Oh fuck it, let's go with something tenuous.

There's one single nightclub in Maidenhead, and it's not a very good one. Despite this they have a fairly strict dress code and therefore it's always a bit of an effort for a scruff-bag like me to get in - the place is dreadful and if you were planning a big night you'd be off to Reading, so we only ever wandered along by drunken accident. This precluded the necessary shoes etc being worn, though occasionally concealing one's trainers beneath exceptionally baggy jeans would get one past the doorman.

All this is irrelevant anyway, except for the fact that because the place is such a shithole, you never really expect to see anyone you know in there. Certainly my young friend F wasn't expecting to see anyone familiar. It was only the expression of dawning horror on her face that drew our attention to the unexpected fellow attendee - her drunken mother, dancing on the pole in the centre of the dancefloor, to Nelly's "Hot in here".

I should add that as a result of the somewhat more mature crowd who frequented this venue, we attempted a "Pull the oldest woman" contest. It is a testament to our overwhelming lack of social skills that not only did no-one pull anyone particularly old, but in fact none of us managed to pull at all except for one lucky chap who achieved a full-on tonsil-hockey gropefest with the aforementioned friend's mother until said friend tore him away and applied a swift ardour-dampening knee to his activity centre.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 13:57, 6 replies)

I think I have just the one story this week
And it involves a Miami actress and a degrading sexual act.

I'm not yet sure I want to post it actually.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 13:59, closed)

Which one?
I can think of at least two not-very-good nightclubs in Maidenhead.
Was it Smokey Joe's or Chicago's? Enquiring minds want to know.
(DoppelFrog Twice the frog, twice the fun, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 14:24, closed)

'twas Smokey Joe's Roadhouse.
I don't think Chicago's existed in 1997. Also, Rock Cafe? Was ever a place named in greater error?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 15:10, closed)

Smokey Joe's
Is truly terrible, I wholeheartedly agree.
(CRM, Sun 7 Dec 2008, 19:14, closed)

activity centre
love it
( djtrialprice, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 15:01, closed)

and there's phatz
although despite living in Maidenhead I've never been for a night out there - Reading everytime!
(deadly_sinners, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 23:33, closed)