Sugar mummy
I don't know why but ever since I was about fourteen, I have really liked older women. The classy kind, you know, the ones who go for lunch and smoke those really thin cigarettes and talk French.

So there's me, twenty-one, a skinny blonde chick, and I was in a bar and in came this lady with a mink coat and diamonds and a husky voice. I thought she was just charming. Apparently it was mutual.

So she was fifty-six. Whatever. We started dating. Her daughter was older than me. She was older than my parents. Whatever.

So one day she took me out to dinner in this fancy restaurant where I had to pretend to know how to use the fork, and when we came in, the maitre d' came up all smiling to say hello to her, and he said "Oh how lovely to see you Elise, is this your daughter?"

It would have been quite embarrassing, except that she just smiled evilly and said "NO."

He said "Congratulations!"

Oh dear me. I have never been so obviously lesbian-arm-candy in all my days. Then I realised that although for me it was a fetish or something, she probably just assumed she was my sugar mummy. I tried to convince her that I was actually with her for her looks, but she wasn't buying it. So we broke up.

I always seem to get things backwards.
(howcomehoney, Tue 9 Dec 2008, 6:33, Reply)