The landlady's tale
I REALLY, REALLY, shouldn't tell this.
But I will.


Before I retired I use to run a quaint little pub in the south of England.
It was a true "locals" pub and I would frequently allow a selected few of my favourites to stay behind for a late night after hours drink.

One such evening myself and maybe half a dozen drunken young friends where enjoying the odd fine wine and each others company.

Around six in the morning I suddenly felt very tired and told all the young lads that they should finish thier drinks and to be careful on their way home.

I give them all a peck on the cheek and locked the door after them. I was too tired to cash up the till and went upstairs to bed not bothering even to turn off lights or clear tables.

I sat down so I could slip out of my stilletoes but the sofa was just too comfy and I must have nodded off.

I could have only been asleep for a few minutes when the next thing I hear is a young man's voice calling out my name in a very soft (and sweet) voice.

There was a gentle 'tap tap' on the door to my private flat and then i heard his footfalls pad across the carpet. He sat beside me, seductively brushing against my legs and began to gently caress my shoulders "Sarah, sarah," he begged "You need to let me fuck you"

I opened my eyes and sat up. It was Sandy, one of my locals, although he was only in his 20's he never had much luck with women because he was a bit thick, ugly, and incredibly shy. I had sometimes noticed him staring at me from in front of the bar. To be honest, I felt a bit sorry for him.

I reached out to take his hand. But before I knew it, he had guided my hand to his crotch and massaged it against his pathetically small cock.

I opened my mouth to speak, "How did you find your way here?" I asked, he didn't reply, he simply pounced on me and rammed his squirming tongue down my throat. It was childhood kiss - no technique, and lots of spit.

To cut a long story short, I was very drunk, he obviously fancied me for ages, so I lowered my high standards and we went at it like gerbils on acid for most of the night.
But Sandy was always a true gentleman and kept my little mistake to himself, I heard days later that he told his freinds he "accidentally" got locked in the gents all night and just gave me a gentle kiss on the lips.

Poor child.
I often wonder whats he up to these days?

SARAH the LANDLADY
(bugboybeast, Thu 11 Dec 2008, 12:09, 4 replies)

Sir...
It was your original 'Cringe' story on this matter that reminded me to post my own similar tale.

I've mentioned as much in my replies.

Good slant on your original story though...and thanks again!

*click*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 11 Dec 2008, 12:19, closed)

Clicky
for 'gerbils on acid'
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 11 Dec 2008, 12:23, closed)

A pedant writes
Actually I award a minus click for the same.

The phrase means nothing - they were at it like gerbils sitting around spouting pseudo-profound nonsense whilst seeing funny patterns?

That good, eh?

Gerbils on speed/coke, surely?

The old 'on acid' thing crops up all the time, usually by imbeciles who've clearly never done it (this is not a dig at the above poster).

A classic example:

Ultimate 'face for radio' Christian O'Connell (who I knew as a teenager and can confirm he has always been A COMPLETE FUCKING SPASTIC): 'Spongebob Squarepants is like The Simpsons on acid'.

In what fucking way, you dribbling tool? Your words mean NOTHING. You utter, utter cunt.

I've finished now. Sorry folks.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Dec 2008, 12:47, closed)

^^
fair point, if a little pedantic....i just liked the thought of dosing up some small rodents and watching them fuck.....

its a slow day

..but in fairness i have found acid to a be a very potent aphrodisiac, usually on the downwards slope i may add
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 11 Dec 2008, 13:04, closed)