Hire a traffic warden
A couple of years ago, I was working for a certain police force. This was back in the days when the traffic wardens were part of the police, before they were privatised and the franchise was given to Lowest Bidder plc.

One day, I was in the office of the Chief Traffic Warden, and this was the tale he told.

A Well Known Supermarket applied for planning permission to extend one of their (three) stores. The city council granted permission, but because the extension was likely to result in more traffic, they imposed a condition which said the Well Known Supermarket (I won't name them, but it rhymes with Mazda) had to pay £10,000 (I think) towards traffic improvements.
So the extension gets built, and this things ends up on the desk of the Chief Traffic Warden, who thinks WTF??? He rings up the supermarket, and the conversation goes like this:

Chief TW: It says here that I'm supposed to provide you with ten grand's worth of services, but all I can actually do is send round a traffic warden, and he won't be able to do anything. Why don’t we just forget about it?

Man from Mazda: Oh, we can't do that, because of the planning permission. Tell you what, why don't you invoice us for ten grand for doing nothing, and we'll pay it.

Chief TW: Are you sure?

Man from Mazda: Yeah, that's what we make in twenty minutes on a Sunday anyway. Don't worry about it.

So the Chief TW goes off to the Head of Finance at the police, and says "Is it okay if we send Mazda a bill for £10000 for doing fuck all?" and she says "No."

So then the Chief TW has to send a traffic warden up to Mazda until they've had ten grands' worth of his services at £25/hour + VAT. When the guy gets there, he can either wander round the car park, looking for out of date tax discs, or sit in Mazda's canteen, drinking tea.
(Bob the Builder killed Captain Alex, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 22:21, Reply)