Vipros
yes unfortunatly the people will have to pay. which is bad. and ive put that to him. hes quite aware of the consequences.
my dad takes the view that if the council is corrupt and evil its better to stop them. like some sort of super-hero busy body then let them keep taking the piss.
in the long term it means that the council will use its parking enforcement less for illegal income and more for traffic management
(L E T S G O "Stop buying into and spreading this shit", Thu 2 Aug 2007, 14:18, Reply)

Minor compared to some, but at least its petty
Courtesy of Glasgow City Council, we, like most other people, have two blue wheelie bins (between the 8 households up our close). Unlike most other people's, ours are kept locked by the binmen, with a small slot in the middle of the lid for posting your rubbish through. One piece at a time is all that fits, and larger things (bottles, etc) really need rammed in.

When the binmen come (at least this is weekly), they unlock the bins, take them out & empty them, then put them back & lock them up again. Dirty buggers. Someone got pissed off before I did and managed to break the lock off one of them. I've still to work out what genius decided locking them up would be a good idea in the first place.

Also, a year or two ago they put up a sign saying that rear court sweeping was going to be stopping... thought they were taking the piss implying that it had ever happened, they don't even pick up their own mess, the buggers.

The buggers.
(FTWinston, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 14:13, Reply)

L E T S G O
so your dad has cost everyone in your area a fuckload in increased taxes to pay for all this shit rather than a few individuals having to be stuck with a one off parking fine?

woop-de-fucking-doo

bet he's a hero in your town
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 14:03, Reply)

Parking Tickets .. Thanks
Thanks for the messages, I have managed to come across the E-mail Address of original writer of "Magic Words" and have sent him a nice mail with the offer of a bottle of something nice.
( RadG Drinking Mojitos in the sun, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 13:59, Reply)

Does the HMRC count as a council?
Possibly not, but they always ask me for 2 tax returns every year, one personal, one corporation (I run my own business).
Now this in itself shouldnt pose a problem, except can anyone tell me why the Revenue always feels the need to make things infinately more complicated than they really are?
Not only that but when you fill in the hideously complex returns and mail them back they want to interview you to ask you why you claimed tax relief on your property, when you also claimed sprout relief on your cabbage patch and hand relief on your roofing assets.
FFS guys, I am not an accountant, make these things simple for leymen to fill in and we'll all help you out more by not f*cking them up.

I got so fed up with it, I now may my accountant to do it for me. But get this, I STILL get queried by the revenue. Just less than before.
(LunarJim, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 13:49, Reply)

A council official once tried to test me....
... I ate his liver with some fava beans and nice chianti.

Actually it was with some Spaghetti Hoops and a can of Fanta, but its a lot less macabre and intimidating like that, dont you think?
(LunarJim, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 13:43, Reply)

Stirling Council
Give us a brown wheely bin (for garden waste) a green one for general waste and a wee blue box for cans, bottles, old catalogues, milk cartons etc. The wheely bins are emptied thus - green one week, brown the next, with the recycle boxes emptied weekly. Fair Enough. The recyle boxes are emptied weekly yes but by utter CUNTS. At 7am every thursday the "roadside recycling operatives" arrive in our lovely quiet street and proceed to spend the next hour or so making as much fucking noise as possible, standing as far back from their "roadside recycling vehicle" as they can and throwing the fucking stuff as hard as they can into one of the eight compartments on the back. I am convinced they have competitions to see who can make the most bastard noise. Oh and god forbid you should be helpful and put the cans/bottles into carrier bags to make it easy for them OH NO you might get a large yellow sticker reprimanding you for putting ONE beer bottle in a bag with several cans. "please do not mix the contents of the bags" OH FUCK OFF its not like you are going to take the carrier bags anyway. Dont even get me fucking started on what happens when you get stuck behind the cunting recycling vehicle while trying to get to work on time they get out of the van, look at you, sneer, get back in the van and sit where they are and block the road for another 15 minutes. TWATTY MCFUCKING TWATBAGS. GRRRRR. Feel better now.
(bazboy making it up as I go along, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 13:31, Reply)

Refinerys and the likes
in my neighbourhood we have road works everywhere.
There are 2 major refineries who have pipes running through the place. one replaced said pipes and just finished, then the other starts replacing theirs. The lines run next to eachother too. Assholes...

but the best was the electricity dept upgrading the lines. They dug up right outside my house and blocked it completely.
Becaues the road splits with an island, traffic going up was redirected, but I had no choice as I lived there.

Guy with flag: You can't go in here
Me in car fumin: I freaking wil you knob!
GWF: No you wont.

I revved and near rode him over, screeched up to the foreman with his truck across my drive and had some very choice words about sticking his hard hat up his arse if he doesnt move and unblock the road.

Still nothing. What did they do next?

A dude was cleaning the power station with a feckin bucket of water and a mop.

Of course it blew up and we had no power for a few days.

Fucking Africa.
(Bluffboy South Africa! World Champions!!!, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 13:12, Reply)

My dad got a parking ticket 2 years ago
He got it on New Years Day. The law and the council says that he could park where he did on a bank holiday. He phoned up the bank of England:
“was it a bank holiday on New Years Day mr bank of England man?”
“why yes it was mr dad”
Phone up council:
“was it a bank holiday on new years day? Mr council man”
“get the fuck out of here! No. It was NOT a bank holiday. Pay your fine you silly little man”
Queue 2 years of my dad boning up on parking law….
(obviously he didn’t have to pay –he had that sorted quite quickly – but not because of the bank holiday dilly, because of a technicality with signage).

He has now made it some sort of crusade to sort the parking out in his borough. Good for him.

He took the council to a Tribuneral or something of that ilk after months of trying to get relevant info and his parking data from them. They tried to block him. As an example they clamed it would take them 2 weeks (or some such ridiculous amount of time) to query a database
2 weeks to write a 4 line db query. nice
My dad catalogued the lies told to him by the council. And had enough evidence to put the man in charge in prison.

Rather then turn up for the Tribuneral thingy the guy in charge resigns. After the meeting it turns out that my dad knows more about the parking rules then the council. He found out that all the
signage was illegal in his borough. They have to fix it costing millions.

– they now ask him for advise as a consultant now and again.

Just recently his friend got a ticket for parking with one wheel on the ramp/curb of a driveway. You know – that bit that where the curb ramps down to the level of the road. My dad has investigated and found that it’s illegal for them to ticket in this case. He’s forcing them to refund ALL tickets to people in this situation. Costing millions. You know they come and ticket for this “wheel on ramp” thing at 11.30pm on roads which don’t even have yellow lines on them. Not any more. Now they’re gonna pay it aaaaaall back.
Yay for my dad.

Excuse the crap writings. I don’t have time to make it funnies.

click i like this if you think my dads a star for socking it to the man!
(L E T S G O "Stop buying into and spreading this shit", Thu 2 Aug 2007, 13:10, Reply)

london underground
have also got off surprisingly lightly here, given what a dangerously useless bunch of cumsponges they are.

does anyone know how long a london underground minute is? only when i was waiting for the met line this lunchtime, it said the next train would be along in 2 minutes. it was nearly 12 minutes by my ipod, watch and mobile phone. do they operate in some special timezone for losers, morons and idiots by any chance?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 13:06, Reply)

Worcester City Council
I like to recycle, my council provides me with bags to do so, however my bin man does not like recycling. I go to the effort of separating my waste into the recycling bags provided and week after week my bin man chucks my carefully sorted recycling waste into the general rubbish section of the specially designed (and probably very expensive) multi compartment bin lorry. I'm doing my bit for the environment but I might as well not f*cking bother!
(Euan Oos-army Josh, dad's found your scooter!, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 12:48, Reply)

Virgin On The Ridiculous
Trying to cope with hangover as I write...

One of the half decent things about the broadband provided by Richard Branson-pickle features was that it didn't seem to have the butt-munching 'fair usage' policy that other 'unlimited' providers seemed to have.

My mate (Furious 'D' again, but I have got more friends than just him I promise you) was with BT but they cut him off becuase he kept exceeding their 'fair usage' download limit of 9 bytes a millenium. My brother uses Tiscali to add stuff to his p0rn collection - but they slow him down to a crawl and most evenings stop his connection entirely. Twat-tacklers.

Virgin, as I bragged to them all, was 'truly' unlimited...full speed, all the time, download constantly....'Fair usage?' - PAH! - I fling my toenail clippings at your fair usage! - I'm UNLIMITED!

unlimited?

UNLIMITED MY 'RIBBED-FOR-HER-PLEASURE' SHINY PINK BELL-END.

6pm on the dot...my BB speed now goes from 4MB per second to 4B a week....and there it stays until I get up in the morning and find that diddley squill has downloaded all night. What a great use of electricity. Then I go to work and it kicks in again.

I check their website (from work) and find out that for new customers, you get twice the broadband speed for half what I'm currently paying?

So I call them...deep breath...

Me: What the fucking fuckety McFuck fuck fucking hell are you fucking about with my fucking broadband for, fuckdish?

Token Cunt: 'A thousand apologies' (hopefully, from the atrocious verbal stereotyping I use you'll get the idea that I'm not talking to an englishman here)...what we are havings is a fair usage policy.

Me: A Whaaaaa???...ARRRRGGHHHHH! You utter bags of freshly squirted bum sausage! And why do I pay more than everybody else? In fact, that's it - THE FINAL SUCK-MONKEYING STRAW!! Shove your 'service' up your clay-hole cunt-biscuits!

TC: Ooh blinking flip mate...Let me be puttings you through to our sales department and they'll sort out a loyalty pack lickety-split...

Me: If only you knew how much I hated you all...

Different TC: Ah, Mr flake - how about 10MB Broadband, going up to 20MB this summer, all for what you're paying now?

Me: You're sure? I want proof, you spunk-sniffer

TC: The discount will show on your bill

Me: I don't believe you...any of you..I have your first names...give me your surnames...

TC: We're not allowed to. Company Policy.

Me: So I've got no comeback when it no doubt turns out that you've just been blowing smoke up my arse...AGAIN?

TC: Your upgrade will be activated by 6pm sir.

Me: You're all cunts (hang up)

I go home...6pm...and...........

10MB Broadband! - Get in there - yay, woohoo etc.

For 5 minutes...then fair usage policy kicks in and it slows down to fuckpot-all again.

Pfffft

Now I'm a trusting soul you all know, but the next day I ring them up again.

Me: I spoke to a couple of your cunt-cakes yesterday. They've slightly upped my Broadband and said I was getting a discount. Can you confirm this for me please?

TC: We have a record of the upgrade, but no record of a discount...




Mmmf


Me: YAAAAAAAAAARRRGGHHHH!...(sob) Fuck...(sniff) Oh fuck, fuck fuck...you've done it again...DO YOU WANT ME TO GO ON A KILLING SPREE? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT FUCKERS???

THUD THUD THUD(Sound of my head hitting wall, phone, floor etc)


All I can say is thank my sweet ass I have a starview box which means I get all the TV channels for free.

Did I mention that they were cunts?

Oh, and so are the councils...(Phew, nearly went off topic then!)

Length? About 45 minutes on hold and 2.5 minutes of being treated like piss on a rope.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 2 Aug 2007, 12:30, Reply)

Computers.
Computerised systems + Automated phones = Efficient. That's the theory anyway.
Bollocks.
Setting up Council tax = Took two months to get on their system.
Setting up Water Account = One month, one letter, two e-mails, about 50 hours hanging on the phone , before I got to speak to anybody.
Trying to get a refund on credit card = Three weeks and five phone calls before anybody got round to e-mailing the right department.
And so on.
Or maybe the system would work if the people that use it aren't such a bunch of disinterested mongs.
(Big D, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 12:14, Reply)

Someone below mentioned
that many council employees seem to be a bit 'special'. This is utterly true, but here we have one man who epitomises the very nature of a Council worker. His name is is irrelevant, but he;

Storms around the office, arms flapping by his sides, like a chicken.
He clucks, like a chicken.
His head darts about and he stares, wide-eyed and totally unblinking, like a chicken.
His hair is a ruffled, feathery mess, like a chicken.

I almost think he could actually be a real chicken.

Except, sometimes, he barks like a dog.
*ruff*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 11:46, Reply)

Hello...?
I have nothing against disabled people, I think of everybody equally. In other words, everybody's a useless, scum-sucking twunt in my eyes. But there is one disability that hacks me off more than I could even begin to describe, deafness, and here's why...

One day the phone rings
Me: Hello, planning department, how can I help you?
Them: I'm sorry, I'm deaf, you'll have to speak up a bit.
Me: (thinking maybe they have one of those fancy phones that converts talk to text) HI, HOW CAN I HELP YOU?
Them: I'm sorry, I still can't hear you, I'm deaf, please speak up.
Me: (raising my voice, now the whole office is listening) I'M SORRY, HOW CAN I HELP YOU?!
Them: Hello? Hello? I'm sorry, I'm deaf, please speak up, hello?
Me: (sounding like Dom Joly in Trigger HAPPY TV) HELLO!?!?! HELLO!?!?! HOW CAN I HELP YOU?!?!
Them: I'm deaf... hello?

Repeat this scenario three times a week for a month, until this happens:

Me: Hello, Planning Department, how can I help?
Them: I'm sorry, I'm deaf, you'll have to speak up a bit.
Me: Don't use a fucking phone then.

*Click* Brrr...
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 11:39, Reply)

My County Council
Back when I was at school, I was (un)lucky enough to live in the middle of nowhere, miles from the school itself, and was therefore entitled to a free bus pass to get me there and back again every day.

Yay - excepting that the bus was a 30 year old shitty double decker thing that permanently smelt like piss, leaked when it rained, and required me to sit on it for one hour each way every goddamn day. But anyway...

I was supposed to receive this bus pass every year that I went to the school, and being issued by the council it was nothing flash, just a bit of card that had been filled out by one of the council monkeys and laminated. They were supposed to send these to the school towards the end of each school year for the next one if you see what I mean, however...

They never, ever, managed to get mine to me on time. Not once from the age of 11 until the age of 18. Every single year, in September, my poor mother would have to phone them to ask where it was, be told that I wasn't entitled to it, that I was entitled to it, that it would be sent to school, to our house, to the fucking bus company...and one would eventually arrive around mid-October (I still had to catch the bus before this happened, often begging the bus driver to let me on) with the promise that it had all been noted and wouldn't happen again the next year. Fucking liars. Of course it did.

The really bad thing is that my sister started at the same school when I was in my last year there. And guess what?!? They never got her bus pass sorted out for her either!

Incompetent twats.
(Kelpy22 wants to get drunk and play pingpong on, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 11:37, Reply)

NTL - Wankers
My boyfriend and I moved into our flat more than 14 months ago. He had NTL at his old address, so we thought we would get it transferred to our new address as it was pretty cheap and essential for work. It took about 30 minutes to arrange an appointment for one of their engineers to come round and check if we could have NTL in our area. When they finally arrived it took them all of 2 seconds to tell us that they would need to reconsruct the entire road for us to be able to gain internet access. Needless to say the landlord wasn't overly keen so we called NTL to let them know that we wouldn't be pursuing this avenue. More than 14 months later, we are still receiving bills for TV and internet that we don't even have, was never installed and that was cancelled from my boyfriend's previous address. I really want them to take us to court, as I'd love to see their defence. If it's anything like their billing department I would imagine that it'd be most "special". Does anyone else ever want to visit the NTL office and just wee on their carpet?
(madamebonsoir, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 11:33, Reply)

Traffic lights.
Brother TFBB and I went to collect my dad from the train station. We took our usual route and discovered the light which changed to green to allow people to turn right was borked.

I ring the council to inform the light was buggered, and asked them to sort it out. I got passed around to four departments, and had to explain myself to each one. How hard can it be to tell the person my call was being transferred to what the problem was? More to the point, why did they not connect me to the right people to start with?

Anyhoo, the light eventually got fixed, and then broke again a few months later. I think they used black tape to fix it. Twats.
(ToysForBigBoys would spread her legs for Nick Clegg., Thu 2 Aug 2007, 11:26, Reply)

Gwent Magistrates
AUGUST

About 4 years ago.

My boss kindly informed me that he had recieved a notice of intended prosecution for speeding. Bugger thought I,(for I was the driver) and proceeded to fill in my details.

I was in the proccess of buying my first house at the time.

NOVEMBER

Its 3 days before We get the keys to our new house and I casually mention to the boss that I have recieved nothing in relation to the speeding offence(90mph A449 wales)
and that what a shame it was that I was moving out.

He then points out that he recieved a letter the WEEK before, saying that there was no response from the address that he had given. This letter also asked for the address to be supplied again.

As one who enjoys three points and a sixty quid fine every now and again I quite honestly gave my NEW address.

DECEMBER

Recieve letter stating that as my twenty eight day period is up to respond to this fine they are taking me to court.

GOOD.

I will enjoy fighting my case.

JANUARY

Recieve letter stating that I will recieve a letter shortly regarding the time and date of my court appearance.

MARCH

Recieve letter stating that in MY ABSCENCE the judge had ruled that I pay £500 and get FIVE points added to my license!!

WTF!!!

Someone is taking a liberty.


JULY

After many many phone calls and leters, I go see my solicitor and pay him ten pounds and sign a statuary declaration.(no notice of prosecution)

AUGUST

Recive letter from court saying that they have looked into this case and given me a complete discharge and all bets are off.

WOO HOO


Dick heads

*edit* Did you notice how I missed a letter out of the word letter. Oh the irony
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 10:40, Reply)

wedding complaints
now that something i did do well on.

list it, cowboy

1. Wedding rings ordered, turn up wrong size with 2 days to go. Had 10% discount and free courier to home.
2. Wedding suits. Not clean. in fact had what looked like a cum stain on lapel. 4 new suits, delivered to home (14 miles from shop) in a taxi at 8pm night before wedding. 100% discount. Manager had to be convinced that bridegroom with cum stain is not acceptable to be "sponged off" (probably what happened before). Well done moss bros bournemouth.
3. Venue. Some twat smoked a cigar UNDER THE SMOKE ALARM. All guests at Hilton bournemouth ejected into the night at 11.30pm. £500 of wine bill became gratis, and a suite was available for our use on honeymoon at hilton not bournemouth. the mrs was happy with Fireman turning up, just as they were with a drunken bride and bridesmaids.
4. One of the 2 technics 1210's broke down so the £1700 hire charge was waived for the whole sound system. (lucky a mate had a spare at home - 20 mins with a CD and we didn't notice).

It wasn't a bad result from complaining - but it hasn't replaced the 10years i lost off my life through stress.

Keep at them people. If they think they can grind you down with piss poorness so you go away they will.
And break the cycle. Be the best you can. Theres too much shit karma floating about. sometimes being nice to the phone monkey does get you what you want. don't assume they have no power to help at all, but once you know they haven't move up the chain until you find one that do.
( bazza van der trance , ooh baby baby, baby baby. Get up on this., Thu 2 Aug 2007, 10:38, Reply)

Way of topic but fuck it, QotW should change soon...
My wife come home from a team meeting sporting an attractive purple wrist-band, similar to those yellow end testicles or white cure poverty ones. This one was part of their customer service improvement scheme and that every time you thought about complaining you were supposed to swap the wrist the stupid band was on.

I nodded and hmm-hmmed appropriately (can you tell I'm married?).

I then pointed out that I complained:
To our wedding venue. Refund - £600.
To my Bank. Refund - £30.
And to our Water Company. Refund - £70.
Wife taking off wrist band - priceless.

My personal favourite is the water board. OFWAT has given the water boards 10 or 20 days in which to respond to your complaints. So I got £70 just for complaining!

Polite and calm before mentioning legal bodies and terms and conditions. Never put up with incompetence, admittedly government is institutionalised and protected incompetence and there's pretty much no hope of every changing that...
( Weejock, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 10:23, Reply)

-> bugboybeast
Refuge collection wagons?

Would this be Soylent Green Borough Council?
( eXOBeX, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 10:23, Reply)

AND
thames water. last summer, in baking hot july, i was living in a houseshare of 5 girls in west london. one weekend my flatmate caro and i got home at about 2am on fri night. caro was absolutely hammered and dived straight into my bathroom to call ralph. and again. and again. there were wild geese across europe returning the call.

then she tried to flush the toilet. doom. no water. we looked out of the window. great. thames cunting water works right outside our house. thanks for telling us you were cutting off the water in the hottest july on record you bunch of twats.

unfortunately the next day, we were leaving at 7am to go away for the weekend. the water was still off... and we had to leave a toilet piled high with aftershock sticky red vomit... in that heat.

we got back on monday and the smell was indescribable. you could smell it from the kitchen, and my bedroom/bathroom was in the attic. but the water was still off. we poured about 25 bottles of evian into the tank to get rid of the vomit, but none of us could shower, bathe, cook...

my flatmates said they had complained repeatedly to thames water who kept bleating that there were no problems in our area. so i picked up the phone and lost it with them. it is so disgusting to have to schlep all your stuff into work feeling hot and sticky after a night of no sleep in that heat... and then have wet towels etc under your desk all day...

turns out the cunts had cut off a waterpipe that served our house only. and because we hadn't reported it as such - we had just said water cut off - we weren't entitled to compensation. i did apologise for not having the x-ray vision needed to see through concrete paving slabs, but that wasn't sufficient.

sorry i made you lose a minute of your own life reading this, but at least it doesn't smell of crusty vomit...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 10:00, Reply)

I love my dad. Really.
I haven't had too many dealings with the local council, although there have been enough for me to realise they really are utter cunts.

I do, however, recall an instance back in the days when mum still dressed me.
My sisters and I, ready for school, were interrupted by the sound of dad cursing at the top of his lungs from outside. Mum ran out to see what was the matter (and we poked out heads just past the front door to see what was happening).

Oh no. They couldn't be that incompetant.

During the night, the council had taken it upon themselves to repair the street. Not the whole street, mind you, just the short stretch in front of the driveway of my parents house. That's right. No driving was to be done for a while.

You'd think the council would have informed those who'd be affected by it. Did they? Did they fuck.

My father, who's one of those scary people you don't want to be on the wrong side of, called the council and gave them a long, loud and abusive piece of his mind, telling them in no uncertain terms exactly what their little fiasco had cost my parents and where they could go stick their resurfaced road.

I've no idea exactly what dad said, but I've got to start learning things from him. Both parents received cheques from the council for their "patience and undue stress".

Result.
(is0lati0n, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 9:53, Reply)

i spent
90 mins on the phone to and being hung up on by virgin last night from 11pm onwards as i really needed the internet for legal research for court today... turns out when they bill and collect money and write letters about what you owe, they don't include broadband in this. oh no, despite signing up for a complete package, they think you really really want it separately and the hassle of two accounts and two bills. so when you get a "final demand" because cutting off their DD was the only way to get a response, it's not actually "final" at all. no, no, you owe ANOTHER #54 ms swipe... speak to credit control (who are open when you are at work only) and they'll then need 24-48 hours to reconnect you.

and because 99% of the fucking phone monkeys don't speak english, it took 25 mins to establish this. apparently they've been emailing my broadband bill to me. oh yeah? i've never had it. which address?

what's that? you don't have my email address? yes, i know you don't, i've been saying that for the last hour you utter bunch of sweaty ball bag sucking cocklickers.

anyway, the moral of the story is, shout loudly enough and like magic eventually a supervisor will be found to take the payment and to reconnect the service INSTANTLY.

now i just need to sue them for taking the last 5 years off my life.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 9:48, Reply)

Sheffield Council
Had an idea to put speed humps around the area where i live. Not only that but they proposed to narrow the road width at bus stops to one lane. This apparantly was to force traffic away from the area and onto main roads as most of the traffic is just passing through our area. When it came down to the consultation period they sent a questionaire around the area to see what residents wanted. Now this is all fair enough and fine and dandy so far.
Now we get down to the twuntage....
Most of the traffic coming into our area is actually people who live nearby going to and from work i.e its the people who live there who use the roads.
The questionaire that was sent out was, shall we say, incomplete to say the least. Some houses didn't get one (notably one large house that has 3 cars) My house did get one but it was addressed to my wife, the one person in the house that doesn't drive.
Taking the results of this all inclusive opinion poll of none motorists in the area the cnuts at the council said that 95% wanted the traffic calming methods and so they went ahead.
They then proceeded to cause chaos and disruption for around a year as they fitted the new speed bumps and narrowed the road. Of course they didn't bother repairing the many potholes and cracks in the road caused by years of neglect and haphazard repair.
It was then found that the speed bumps that they had put in were breaking up as being council installed they were put in shoddily (cue more disruption as new speed bumps were installed at further cost to the tax payer).
Whats more down one steep road the action and pressure of cars going over a speed bump were cracking a major water main which ran under that road. (out came that one only to be replaced by one slightly smaller)
Now the work is completed we have a bigger mess than before. Anytime a bus stops nothing can pass on either side of the road causing massive bottlenecks of traffic. Because people travelling on the roads generally live in the area they cannot divert to main roads (especially since the council have closed many minor roads)and thus at rush hour we have lots of backed up traffic belching fumes out. The main roads are busier and jammed up (again traffic fumes anyone), the roads are breaking up due to poor repair and everyone is slightly more stressed out from there journey to work.

Just once i would like to see a council road scheme in Sheffield that has been thought through before it is hastily implemented. Of course this will never happen as Sheffield council hate motorists
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 9:45, Reply)

Not me but my fiance...
He works for NTL (now virgin) and they are as rubbish to their staff as they are to their customers. They've screwed him over his money more times than i can mention and are just rude to him when he asks them to sort it out and please dont do it again.
Some of the stories about the people he works with are priceless. They connect customers to other customers when they ring, answer the phones and then put it on silent, purposefully not fill in the details and generally lie to everyone that rings. They are indeed a bunch of vindictive twats who think that everyone who rings is beneath them and not worth their time to help.
Not my fiance tho, he's nice and keeps getting told off for spending too much time (more than 5 min) on the phone with customers and ringing them back trying to sort out their problems. Also he always puts free time on and credits their bills when he says he will. There are some (about 5) intelligent people working for NTL but they are managed by such fucktards that all their good effort is undone in about a nanosecond.
More to the theme - my mate wanted to stay in the council flat she had after she hit 16 but they wouldn't let her and told her the only way to keep it was to get pregnant! Woo hoo for Dudley, home of pre-teen pregnancy!
(The Ginger Penguin la la la la la la, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 9:21, Reply)

Salford Shitty Cnutsil
When I was at Uni I got a letter through the door of the house saying they were changing the collection day for our rubbish (I think it was from a Wednesday to a Thursday, but it was one day later anyways).

Verily I resolved to put out the bag one day later. Except I was woken on the earlier day by the bin lorry going past.

"Fine," thinks I, "they are doing 2 collections to cover the fact that people may not have read the flyer (what with it looking like junk mail an' all and covered in other Cnutsil propoganda about how they recycle an' all).

Nope, bin bag remains un-collected. So I phone. "No, sir, you will have to take it back in and put it out next week."

"Bite Me! I put it out on the day you said."

"Well it will be classed as fly-tipping. You will get a fine."

"Prove it."

Bin bag was moved to other side of road next to derelict factory. Council twunt shows up, rummages through bag (no doubt having been tipped off by my phone call) and can find nothing with my address as I am a paranoid type and own a shredder. Departs.

Bin bag remains there until the following week, by which time the local foxes have spreak most of my Kentucky Fried Gizzard remains across the factory frontage.

If they can send someone to come and check for identifying information while wearing the full gloves, smock, paper mask getup, surely he could've just put the bag in the back of the van afterwards and taken it away ... Oh who am I to think that would be sensible ... ? Instead they then sent another bloke with same outfit and one of those 'picky-uppy' sticks to clean up.

Length? Most of the street.
(Dionysian Aut viam inveniam aut faciam, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 9:08, Reply)

OLDHAM COUNCIL
Ladies and gentlemen, may I present Oldham council.
In their infinite wisdom bought an entire new fleet of refuge collection wagons before realising they were too big to fit thru the many narrow winding streets we have in Oldham. (Pure speculation that the Council's CEO is also the MD of the privately run refuge service.)
Removed about 2 dozen sets of speed humps around town much to the annoyance of safety groups - only to replace them 1 month later with new speed humps IN EXACTLY THE SAME SPOTS. (Pure speculation that the assistant CEO is also the MD of the privately contracted building firm that removed and replaced the humps.)
Vandalised about 20,000 graves by knocking over the headstones becuase of health and safety fears (god forbid some chav hurts himself whilst he is descreting graves) and then after the public outcry sent bills to the next of kin to replace all the headstones.
Cycle lanes that are literally 2 or 3 yards long, totally discontinoius, and in the wrong areas of town.
I could go on and on and on, but the length would be too much.
"SIGH"
(bugboybeast, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 8:24, Reply)

Croydon Council (again)
Nearly 10 years ago now, my mum's car got towed away because someone put a leaflet over the parking permit. After my parents had reported the car stolen, the police suggested phoning the council car pound, who confirmed that they had it. When they looked under the leaflet on the windscreen, they noticed that they had in fact overlooked the valid parking permit there. They still refused to accept that their parking warden was wrong and my mum had to pay for a taxi to the car pound to pick it up. I mean really, how much intelligence do you need to look underneath a leaflet on the windscreen?

The parking rules are enforced from 7am to midnight 7 days a week here. I don't personally care, since I am a pedestrian and also sometimes a cyclist, but the local residents feel very strongly about it.
( lrjlo, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 0:37, Reply)