The worst night of my life
Ladies and gentlemen, and those of you who haven't possibly decided yet, pray allow me to regale you with the story of the worst night of my life. You may ask how is it related to the question? A fair one, to be true. You will see, as you read on.

It was September 2004, and I'd just been informed by my now ex-fiancee that she wanted to go on a break. Also, could I come down to Nottingham to bring back some of her stuff, and I could collect some of mine. Admittedly, the normal reaction in this situation is to advise the person in question to go and boil their head in hydrocyanic acid. However, considering that there was a PS2 in the mix, this wasn't an option. So, I got my cash together and went down to Nottingham. From Warrington. As a student, on a student budget. Which as you can imagine is tighter than a penguin's arsehole.

So, I arrive in Nottingham, thinking this would be a simple exchange of goods, a quiet drink down the pub, crash on her floor, and then home. Oh boy, was I wrong! First of all, her family was there. Now I never liked her family- most of all her mother, who was the worst harridan you could ever meet. Plus, to borrow Legless' turn of phrase, she was so fat she had planets in her own orbit. Or was that flies? I fear I shall never know, and I am also digressing. When I arrived, her family took French leave of the place. That is, buggered off faster than a regiment of cheese-eating surrender monkeys at Verdun.

A minor problem, thought I, as I wondered inside, to be confronted by a rather odd sight. My now ex-fiancee, hand in hand with someone who was previously a mate. At the time, I just said congratulations as it gave me such a broadside that everything was knocked out of whack. Still, at least I was polite at the time. Worse still, we still went down the pub. What an odd crowd we made... bitch troll, her new beau, me, and her little sister. Yes, this was odd. And I texted a friend to tell her what was happening. Her response was "What the fuck are you doing there? Get out!". No dice. I was stuck there for the night. So I ended up crashing the night on her floor, her sister on the bed, bitch troll went up to her new beau's room. A situation which completely crushes the ego, please allow me to assure you.

And just when you think it couldn't possibly get any worse... the fire alarm went off at 4am. And then the bitch troll nicked the PS2.

As a postscript to this though, I later found out that two hours after we had the "Let's go on a break talk" she was in bed with the poor bastard. And from this, for some reason I signed up with an organisation to work abroad in a summer camp, spent three months effectively living in a shed and had the time of my life. So it's not all bad.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 17 Jan 2008, 21:54, 1 reply)

Being a pedant here
but the Cheese eating surrender Monkeys didnt "bugger off" from Verdun. Good story though.
(kitescreech still here, Mon 21 Jan 2008, 19:23, closed)