FOF Alert...
This story takes place in the wilds of Befordshire. Crazy place. Crazy People.

None of these people were crazier than Alex (for that is name he is forced to go through life with).

Are any of your Fratelli's fans? You know that song 'Vince the loveable stoner'? "Vince was a stoner, loveable loner ah ha..."

Well, Alex was a stoner of the highest order.

To give this story some perspective, I was a first year at Uni and fell in with a great crowd of third years (for the sake of argument, we'll call them Jo, and Kerry + a few others). Well, this story takes place in THEIR first year- two years before I even thought about a UCAS application. Yes, the story is still brought up even to this day.

~~~~wavy lines~~~~

Jo, Kerry + a few others have gone for a night out to the Student Union. Ah those hedonistic days...nights. Shots for 50p, cheezy music. The kind of night that makes you glad you did some work during your A-levels and not stacking shelves in Tesco's.

The burly security guards have kicked everyone out of the SU. Keen to continue the partying, the girls decide to go back to Alexs'. However, disaster struck! Jo and Alex are walking ahead of the others, oblivious that they have gone into one of the many cheep chicken shops (see what I did there?) and somehow became seperated.

'Ah HA, not to worry' Thinks Jo (probably...) 'i'll continue to Alex's they know thats where we are heading, i'm sure they'll turn up'...and with that Jo and Alex continue to their halls.

~~~~more wavey lines~~~~#@a hash and an 'at sign' later

Alex slides the key into the lock of his room, opens the door, and turns the lights on. A red light and a neon light, the neon light would be for the weed plant he was growing. Well...I say plant, by all accounts it was a mahoosive tree.

Now an interesting thing about having a red light in your room is that should you bring a girl back (which to the casual viewer, it would seem) your hall-mates tend to play Roxanne by the wrinkly scotting rocker Rod Steward. None fucking stop.

Another interesting fact about red light bulbs is they tend to bathe the room with such a hue that you cannot tell what state the room your about to sleep in is like. That is until one of said hall mates open's the room door just before you've decided you want to go to sleep. And 'normal' light fills the room.

I'm struggling to descibe this next bit, so bear with me. I'll start with the condition of the floor.

It was filthy. I'm not talking about normal student flith (porn and pot noodles) i'm talking the floor seems to have several previously unidentified like forms on it.

The dirty washing was piled high. Oh wait, that's not the dirty washing, thats clean....

the usual student crap ( coke bottles, take aways etc...) seem to be supporting the several previously undiscovered life forms.

The sink seemed to have a toothbrush still in its wrapper. and no other fucking toothbrushes in sight (more on this in a bit!)

Then Jo notices the smell. The kind of smell that no human should ever have to smell, let alone live in. A mixture of chinese food, body odour, and sweat.

Jo tried very descreatly to ring her friends to come and get her (very sensible, there are weirdos out there) but they do not answer.

So jo knock's on Alex's neighbours door, and askes for a dressing gown to lay on the floor. She pays for the gown. She is desperate.

A few hours later, Jo is sleeping (or possibly knocked out by the smell, I cant be sure on that) and then she feels it. Something is moving in the room. Alex is a sleep. Its by her feet. With a shrill that would wake the dead, Jo jumps up and turns the light on.

To see a mouse.

On the fourth floor of student halls.

~~~~more wavy lines...all this time travel can make a boy hungry~~~~

A few years later, I meet alex through jo. And have already been told the above story. I thought Jo was being over dramtic. Oh My Fucking God.

A new room, same old smell. I'm gagging just remembering that smell. It clung to your clothes in the same way the smell of death seems to follow a pathologist.
Only Alex has a few more 'gems'

The toothbrush is now almost bristle-bare (possibly the original toothbrush from the above) Then uttered the immortal line " I find listerine is better than brushing..."...The red/neon light has gone...because Alex has discovered MDMA. Which meant you could no see the pit it all its unholy glory.

The one and only time he came up to my room (uninvited...) He had on my bed. I physically stripped the bed. Disinfected the matress (it was one of those placcy types ones) and brought myself a whole new bedroom set. No, that is not a lie, it cost £10 from Roseby's.

Length? about two years between the stories.
(drain_bamaged, Fri 18 Jan 2008, 11:43, 3 replies)

"Roxanne by the wrinkly scotting rocker Rod Steward"
Tsk. On two counts.
(entry_level_adultette, Fri 18 Jan 2008, 16:02, closed)

heh
i did not know that rod was in the police heheh
( curvylittlegoth heard the voices in your head on, Sat 19 Jan 2008, 0:59, closed)

Roxanne
Ooh I'm glad someone mentioned the Roxanne thing. I liked the story but my pedant muscles were twitching over that one.
( faintpraise, Sat 19 Jan 2008, 16:07, closed)