Clearwater
This concerns a hostel in Florida that I stayed for four weeks of a six week holiday back in 01. It was a great place, small, family-run, about a minute's walk from one of the best beaches I'd seen in a long while. Of course, it was the US, so on one occasion I did nearly get shot, but hey, it only happened the once and I didn't hold it against the place.

Whilst staying there, I somehow became magically attractive to the opposite sex. I've grown into myself a bit now, but back then I was a gangly, extremely awkward individual and I had had absolutely no joy with girls at all. In the space of these four weeks, though, I got off with practically every good-looking girl that walked through the gates. It was awesome.

There was a Czech girl working there as a cleaner. She was easily one of the best looking girls there. Short blonde hair, slim, long legged, very pretty. I'd noticed her a while back but not done anything about it. There is, after all, only so much self-confidence you can have after twenty years of failure. Buoyed up by my recent success, however, I thought I'd have a go.

That night in the bar I paid lots of attention to her, asked her about herself, smiled, played up the awkward Brit thing that foreigners like so much. It went well. On the walk home she whispered to me that she had keys for one of the family rooms that was currently unoccupied. I was in.

Later, I met her there. We went indoors, my young and inexperienced knackers twitching with excitement. She closed the door and kissed me.

Worst. Kisser. Ever.

Even now, seven years later, I'd rather snog a burst water main than that girl. It'd be drier. My experience at the time was limited, but I was pretty sure than the lips should be involved somewhere, that my mouth was supposed to be not quite as full with her tongue as it was.

There was an awkward moment when I realised, my mouth full to bursting with gallons of her saliva, that no matter how desperate a virgin I was, no matter how hot she was (and she *was* hot), no way, *no way* was I daring to have sex with this girl.

The next morning was awkward. Very awkward. In fact, so awkward was it that I packed my bags and headed for the Keys. My success with girls packed up at that very moment.

From a slightly different angle, easily the worst hotel experience of my life.
( Kroney, Mon 21 Jan 2008, 11:28, 1 reply)

Suck
With that amount of saliva you should at least have got her to suck you off

Missed opportunity!
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Tue 22 Jan 2008, 23:56, closed)