A catalogue of errors.
I wont divulge the name or location of the establishment as I'm told it has now changed hands and is very good, however....

My then girlfriend (now wife) and I decided to go out for a meal one Saturday night. Decked out in suitable finery, we booked at a local hotel's restaurant and set forth to enjoy a long boozy repast.

I had lubricated my desire for this with a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon and so was in a very relaxed mood when we arrived at the restaurant.

We were seated, gave the bored waitress our starter orders and then came the main course.
"I'd like roast potatoes with mine please" I piped up, emerging from my drunken stupour.
She informed me that they only had mashed.. I laughed "Are you serious?" For some reason we found this immensely funny. Imagining bags of potatoes out the back, some of them marked "Mashed".

Anyway we agreed, somewhat incredulously to have mashed potatoes and within a few minutes our starters arrived...
We were in the middle of these when the hopeless waitress bought out our main.
"Err, what are we supposed to do with these?"
She looked bemused. So did we.

At the other end of the restaurant some rowdy geordies were sat with who I later discovered was the owner.

Then as we were halfway through our main course the restaurant door opened and a South American pipe band walked in, and started playing. THEN the one whom I assume was the leader walked round the restaurant collecting money. I waved him off, I was still split between this being funny, and annoying. He waved his cap again, so I took out a tenner.
He tried to remonstrate but my grasp of the English language was better than his.
In the end the owner did her work for the evening and threw them out, then went back to being loud with the Geordies..

We finished, paid (no service charge.. I think I wrote "Are you kidding??" on the receipt) and waited in the rain for a taxi that never showed up..

We rang the cab company to ask where it was and they had sent him to Barclays Bank...
"Barclays Bank isnt open mate" I informed him before giving in to kismet and laughing till I micturated.

My wife and I still tell this story to this day, and I dont think even we can believe it.

No apologies for length, it was long, but I trust you gained something from it. ;-)
(LunarJim, Fri 28 Apr 2006, 7:59, Reply)