Getting back at the wrong person
Since this is long, I'll warn you now that there is no punchline...

I was bullied quite badly by a few really unpleasant kids when I was at middle school (9-13). Of course, as an adult looking back now, I realise that the headmaster was right in that it was partly my fault for thinking I was too clever-by-half (reading books & not liking football), being a bit effeminate (reading books & not liking football), and attracting unnecessary attention (ADMITTING to reading books & not liking football).

In all seriousness though, I was an annoying kid in some ways and I wouldn't back down from anyone, so I can understand why I got some people's backs up, but I didn't deserve regular kickings, being spat on every time teachers left the room, my stuff being stolen or vandalised all the time, etc.

Anyway, kids of that age do have a tendency to turn on the weak like a pack of wolves, so there was always some arsehole who thought that because a couple of bullies had decided to pick on me and I didn't have many friends, I was fair game, and they could have a go at me too as a result - in order to make themselves look hard or just blend in with bullies they probably aspired to, I suppose.

I developed a pretty spiky attitude as a result and was constantly ready to argue down or fight anyone who had a go (you can see why this carried on for years, can't you?), which meant lots of fights, lots of trouble, lots of my mum crying, etc... really grim, actually. I was a pretty hard 13 year old myself by the end as a result and this made me even less likely to take this sort of crap.

Anyway...

In the last year at middle school, one of the kids who decided I was fair game at the wrong time and place was a guy who'd been dealt a very bad hand in life but was actually, generally, pretty OK with everyone. Not only did he have learning difficulties, he also had a badly repaired hare-lip and was, although big, not physically strong or especially in control. The same bullies who had latched onto me called him Lurch.

He got me on a bad day, he made a comment in passing which was cruel and stupid but nothing worse than I was used to, and I reacted.

Having to stand in the headmaster's office and explain why I'd punched this boy over and stood over him shouting that he was a 'slobbering fucking dickhead' was pretty cringeworthy. So was explaining to my mum and dad, who were both teachers themselves. The worst bit was apologising to him, especially because he was really sorry too.

Looking at it selfishly, the best thing about it for me was that, apart from one exception a couple of years later which got me temporarily excluded from High School (very similar situation but someone more deserving, since he did punch me first, for no real reason), I have not lost my temper with anyone ever again. I've got angry, yes, because I'm human. I've had rows with friends. I've even fought a few times (self protection. twice, saving a friend from unprovoked assault by a random, once) but I've never lost control and been spiteful, violent, or abusive on that sort of way because it scares me every time I remember how much of a bastard I was.

Even when I see people from school now (I'm 26) I'm embarrassed that they might remember this happening.

.......................

Just had a pause before posting this, looked at the other stuff people are posting, and realised I've been a bit serious and confessional here, haven't I? Ah well, sod it. I've wanted to do a really long post for a while.

If you fancy a quick one as an add on, I once swore loads to impress the other boys in the tent on a Cub camp, not realising Akela was outside the tent for half an hour. I cried in front of them all when she turned her torch on and said she'd be telling my parents the next morning. That made me look really cool... Will that do?
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 22:48, 5 replies)

Don't be embarrassed
About hitting back at a bully. One of the biggest regrets I have in life (one of only three, I think) is not punching the living shit out of the twerp who did exactly the same thing to me. He may have been trying to fit in with others, may have had problems of his own, but there comes a time FFS when turning the other cheek just gets that one slapped too.
( difficultchild, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 0:53, closed)

It's unfortunate...
That you chose that individual guy to fight back against, but apart from that, I don't think you've done anything wrong.

I was fairly heavily bullied from years 9-13 (age 13-18) by different people.

I always just put my head down and got on with the day, until one time, the main perpetrator starting giving me all the same shit, but for some reason this day, I decided to get revenge, stood up, and took a swing for him. He just turned as I did so, and so I caught him in the back of the head.

He went down like a sack of shit, I ended up with 3 after school detentions (was 1, but I said about how the "stupid little bastard had started it") and a sense of pride.

Sure, he continued to bully me, but I knew that if it came to a real fight, I'd wipe the floor with him.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 10:44, closed)

I don't think you should feel ashamed.
I was also bullied from ages 5 to 13, for exactly the same reasons as you (like reading, disliked barbies/my little pony/new kids on the block). At my first school, I was actually bullied by one of the teachers, as well as other classmates.
I was always taught by my parents to hit a bully back, immediately: it makes them far less likely to have a go at you again. This other kid knew you were bullied, and yet he still chose to make snide comments about you: this was his fault, and I don't think that someone who has been bullied consistently for years can be blamed for lashing out at a bully.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 12:02, closed)

I agree with the others; don't feel sorry for it. It doesn't matter if the one you hit wasn't the ringleader; he still joined in. And who knows, maybe that incident knocked him away from a path towards being a bully himself.

I have a sweet memory along these lines; on the very last day of middle school. I forget what the provocation was, but I fought back in much the same way you did. I got sent along to the deputy head, of course. But here's the odd part; rather than going to her office, she sat me down on the benches overlooking the playground.

After rather half-heartedly chiding me for losing my temper, she asked: "Did you hit him hard?"

Stunned, I replied in the affirmative.

"Good," she said. "Maybe that'll knock some sense into him."

That one candid comment sent me off to upper school with the wonderful reassurance that, despite appearances, there were teachers on my side against the little shits who like to make life miserable against everyone else, even if they couldn't admit to it.

School got considerably easier after that.
(Musuko, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 17:48, closed)

Thanks all....
Just to be clear, I agree with you all completely about fighting back, and I did, against everyone, even when I knew I'd lose, because I think it's very true that you have to not let them get away with it. If I have kids and they're bullied, I'd definitely tell them to do the same and not take any abuse from anyone.

It's just that this guy probably had it even worse than I did, and had never said anything like this to me before, and I was really nasty to him. It made me see that I was in danger of being a nasty little shit myself.

Musuko, I like that story - I think lot of teachers feel like that. Most of the ones I know do...
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 21:50, closed)