knoblong
my mate had been going out with her then-boyfriend for about 6 months, when she decided to introduce me to his brother, adie.
adie was a nice bloke, we got on well, but after spending the whole night talking on my friend's couch, nothing had happened.
of course, because i couldn't have him, i now wanted him.
badly.

i made it my mission to snag this elusive beast and, about six weeks later, i finally did. as usual, once i'd got him, i no longer wanted him(i know, i'm a fickle bitch).
next morning, my mate was asking how things went.
"well, he's got an oblong knob" i said.
"what do you mean, an oblong knob?" asks my friend.
"it's shaped like a small book," i
said. "it's completely flat top and bottom. it looks like it's been plonked on a table and twatted with a meat tenderiser."
we enjoyed a laugh at his expense, then carried on with our conversation.

several weeks later, we were all in the pub. by this point, i'd started calling him knoblong, but never explained why. we were all quite drunk that night and adie had decided he was going to try it on with a very attractive girl who, unfortunately, was having none of it.
"what's wrong with me?" he demanded. "she thinks i'm good in bed" he says, pointing at me. "she calls me knoblong, because my cock is huge!" "that's not why she calls you it!" my mate chimed up in the now silent pool room. "she calls you knoblong because you've got a cock like a bar of nougat! if a girl lets you shag her, the corners will rip her fanny!"
as he stood there, open-mouthed, the girl he had been trying it on with erupted into laughter.
unfortunately for her, she was also pissed and not quite as in control of her bodily functions as she thought she was, which resulted in her pissing all over the pool room floor.

neither of them set foot in that pub again.

length? about 6 inches with edges.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 15:15, Reply)