I have a theory
Let's call it, "The theory of roadworks."

In some hidden part of the Road Traffic Act, there is a section that declares that traffic cones must be:

a) of a satisfactory condition to be used in roadworks,
b) used for a minimum of 7 days out of every 26 working weeks.

In the mid 80's, this didn't seem to be a problem. Traffic cones would do there bit to prevent workmen from getting squashed by blind pensioners given their licences in the Great War so they could drive tanks for the army, and spent most of their time happily in dry storage in each city council's transport depots.

But slowly, the volume of roadworks increased, and it became quickly apparent that the traffic cones of the day were not weather tested and as such wore out at a seemingly biblical rate. Because of this the government set up a secret task force to deal with the problem (think MI5 but without all the glamour.) The job of this force (lets call them the Cone Utilisation and Nationalism Trust, or C.U.N.T for short) was to ensure that cones could be used effectively, to increase the lifespan of the country's most consumable asset and provide a network for councils to share cones, creating a "central cone network" by which to share cones.

Their first task was to increase the lifespan of their cuurent stock. So, after consultation with top scientists, the idea was chosen. All the cones in the country would be melted down, blended with anti-matter and voila! Anti-cones which would perform as well outdoors as the current stock would indoors. The only problem was the anti-matter. Luckily, Saddam Hussein had a plentiful supply, but a haggle over price caused tensions between nations, and may or may not have been one of the factors causing the Gulf War. A successful insertion was mounted on Cristmas Eve 1990 and 2 days later, with a stock of stolen anti-matter at their feet, the plan began.

The next problem was that the cones now performed fantastically outdoors, but barely lasted a week indoors. The solution? More roadworks of course! But you can't just throw up roadworks everywhere to preserve the longeity of new "Anti-cones" can you? Of course not. So the next plan was to contaminate all the lane markings in the country.

Thanks to a technicality in the RTA, a full set of roadworks can be set up for the complete purpose of repainting white lines. So, armed with this knowledge, and another trip to the scientists, C.U.N.T came back to base with enough Sodium Dimetrohodydroxybetaferrusdioxyribosulphate to pollute every white line ever painted. For those that dont know, Sodium Dimetrohodydroxybetaferrusdioxyribosulphate is a very nasty chemical, with a 1000 year half life, which eats away at white line paint, whilst doing no damage to the road surface or car tyres. The upshot for C.U.N.T of using this chemical was that white lines would need painting again every 6 weeks or so and so, problem solved!

After a 6 month programme of adding this chemical to the roads up and down the country, the team could then sit back and relax, while councils up and down the country order anti-cones to repaint lines on their many roadways.

I came upon this theory as I pondered why the motorway I was on (i forget which one) was closed down to just one lane at rush hour for 2 miles, only to find 2 fat blokes repainting lines on the first lane, surrounded by thousands of cones. Sitting in the traffic jam I decided to poke around the car I had just bought from my sister, see if she had left anything interesting in it. I opened the glove box and got my answer. A single sanitary towel.

Worst thing is, its the second car I've bought from her, and the second time she's done it to me.
(guyie failed to be witty on, Sat 29 Nov 2008, 19:24, 2 replies)

was it
used?
(Stu Moo winner of five nobble piece prizes, Sun 30 Nov 2008, 0:37, closed)

No!
But next time I'm gonna make sure she cleans her next car out if I buy that off her too.

Or at least get someone else to look in there.
(guyie failed to be witty on, Sun 30 Nov 2008, 10:32, closed)